Category Archives: testing

pregnant. period.

Early this morning, I had a dream that I was taking this digital pregnancy test, and the “not” kept flashing on and off. Eventually, it leveled out and stayed off, and I left the bathroom to tell J. At that point I awoke, and I was so utterly bummed. This seems to happen nearly every test morning. I have a dream that it’s positive, and I awake to test negative.

So, I trudged to the bathroom, cracked open the test, and went about my business. I set the test on my leg, waiting for an answer, and suddenly, it was there. Just one word:

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I bounded out of the bathroom, and started turning on lights, saying, “Oh my god! Oh my god!” J shot up from bed and said, “What’s wrong? What’s going on?” She was utterly confused. Until I showed her the test (after fumbling with more lights). I collapsed on the bed with her crying and laughing. Needless to say, we have not gone back to sleep. We’re so excited, and yet I’m also nervous as hell that the next test I take will have that dreaded word “not” in it. I took the test apart, though, and the test line was nice and dark.

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I’ll take another test this evening since I need to use the other one up anyway, and I’ll make some sort of doctor’s appointment today, and, and, and…

The list of symptoms for those interested:

  • sore boobs, but a more through-and-through soreness than usual
  • hints of nausea
  • weepinesss
  • irritability
  • crampiness

I also had some weird sort of hot flash the other day in the grocery store, after which I was shaky and weak. That would have been 10dpo, and I would say it was my first sign.

Holy shit. I’m pregnant.

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Filed under symptoms, testing, ttc

no, no, and no

I tested again this morning, and it was so very negative. There may as well have been a neon-flashing, “Not this time, sucker!” I don’t think it could have been more negative. I stared at the test for the longest time just waiting and waiting. But nothing. I still don’t have my period, but I think I know why: I believe I ovulated a couple of days later than FF is suggesting, which means I’m most likely 12dpo and should be starting to spot today. This would account for why I wasn’t getting positive OPKs and would also mean that our inseminations were way too early. My still low temperature, erratic emotions, vice-grip headache, and crampiness today would indicate that my theory is correct. I expect Auntie F to be knocking on my door with her overstuffed suitcases any moment.

Naturally, I’ve not been doing my best today, and I pity my poor wife. I made some poached eggs this morning and upon asking her how they were, she replied innocently and honestly that they were fresh and good, but maybe a little dry (and they were). I lost it and started crying, but clearly not because the eggs were dry. Hell, I know J likes my cooking, that this was unusual, that I hadn’t been paying attention to how long I was cooking them, and that, frankly, she wasn’t saying anything negative about me, but rather stating a simple fact–about eggs, no less. And still, I cried. This was not one of my finer moments, but my reaction was clearly not about eggs, and she called me on it. So, like the wonderful wife that she is, she called me over next to her, and wrapped her arms around me while I proceeded to curl into a ball and sob. She smoothed my hair, and we mourned the loss of hope once again, and she made me breathe.

However, my sobfest took place at an unfortunate time, for we had been watching something on one of the cable news stations while eating breakfast. When the program ended, I was still crying, and J was still comforting me, so neither of us knew what was going to come on next. Suddenly, we both saw and heard this young woman talking about having her baby and insisting that her baby live on the streets with her. She was a whore, living on the streets, and she had a brand new baby, and this just set me off even more. I felt very sorry for myself as I thought about this completely irresponsible girl who was saturated in this drug culture and was determined to expose her child to it. Why must the universe throw these things in my face nearly every time we face the end of an unsuccessful cycle? How is this fair? The answer, of course, is that it’s not fair, but damn, what unfortunate timing!

Since this morning’s breakdown, I have finally found a slightly more comfortable headspace. I won’t call it zen, but I’m not sobbing into J’s shoulder nor pounding my fists into pillows (that’s always pretty). Now, I’m eager for my period to begin so that we can just move on with this last cycle with Mr. G. It’s raining here, which makes for a perfect day to sit inside with my sweetheart watching movies and eating popcorn. I’m glad it’s raining, glad we’ll soon have another fresh start, and while my baser self wants to wallow in self-pity, I’m determined to pick back up and move forward.

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Filed under J, negatives, ovulation, testing, TWW

Is no news really good news?

I still have nothing to report. We spent the evening last night and all day today with our girlfriends from our old hometown. It was fun to see them, but I couldn’t keep my mind off of this damn cycle.

My temperature dipped today, but I didn’t sleep well last night, so I don’t know if I really trust the temperature. I still haven’t seen any sign of spotting. My guess is tomorrow will be the day and I’ll have my period, but if it hasn’t shown up by morning, I’ll certainly test again. I just have no clue at this point what’s going on. Ugh.

This weekend should be a nice one. We’re going to see a play tomorrow night and plan to go to UU on Sunday morning. Otherwise, we plan to relax, sun ourselves, and take in whatever news tomorrow brings.

Have a good weekend everyone!

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Filed under BBT, friends, testing, ttc

nothing to see here, folks

The test was negative. I hate to write that, both because negative HPTs suck and because I hate to let my readers down.

But before you send me too many condolences, you should know that I’m not completely defeated yet. My temps went up again today, and I have no signs of blood. Usually by now, my temperature has started to dip, so I haven’t lost all hope. I’m just waiting–and waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

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Filed under negatives, testing

giving in

We may very well test tomorrow, which would be Thursday for those of you playing at home. I’m so anxious, but I need to do this for my nerves. The sore boobs continue to pulsate. In fact, I’ll be wearing a bra to bed they’re so bad. We have three girlfriends from our poker group visiting tomorrow night, so I’ll either be drinking with them or playing sick.

In other (far more exciting) news, I found the cutest pair of shoes today. I’ve been searching for the perfect pair of cute brown leather sandals for a couple of years, and they appeared today on a rack at R.OSS. Oh how I love sexy, strappy, heeled sandals at affordable prices.

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Filed under shoes, testing

the waiting game

We’re still holding out over here. I’m on CD26 at 11dpo. Temps went up today. Still have aching, painful breasts. I want to test, but I’m forcing myself to wait. Friday will be the day. But the waiting, oh, the waiting!

I find that every time I’ve not peed for awhile, I am so very tempted to test, so I’ve been making myself empty my bladder each time that box of HPTs starts to seduce me. If I have an empty bladder, there’s nothing left to splash onto a stick and, therefore, no chance that I’ll be let down by the big white strip.

I’m just ready for the wait to be over. Whether it ends with a second pink line or streak of red, I’m ready.

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Filed under BBT, testing, TWW