Category Archives: Prop 8

prop 8 ruling

The California Supreme Court announced today that it will uphold Prop 8’s constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. After hearing the rather dismal oral arguments, I wasn’t surprised, but it’s still a blow, still disappointing. I suppose the silver lining here is that our marriage still stands, and the marriages of those others who married before election day still stand, but that is little consolation for those who have yet to meet and fall in love or those who were unable to marry for other reasons. It feels strange to be part of this small exception.

Neither J nor I have the energy to fight now, and frankly, there is nothing to be done until we get this on the ballot again. For now, we’re choosing to be selfish, choosing to focus on our family and our stability. Sometimes, we just can’t be activists.


Filed under marriage, Prop 8

don’t divorce us

Don't divorce us!

Don't divorce us!

I haven’t mentioned the Prop 8 mess in awhile. We had to keep our distance for some time in order to attend to life, but the Supreme Court will soon be hearing oral arguments–March 5th, in fact.

While Prop 8 stopped any future marriages from happening in California, it didn’t succeed in nullifying the marriages occurring before election day. Now, Ken Starr is heading efforts to make sure that our marriages are indeed nullified. They want to divorce us.

In response to these efforts, the Courage Campaign has produced the following amazing video. Warning: It may make you cry.

After watching the video, consider signing the Courage Campaign’s petition here. (The video is also available there if you can’t, for some reason, watch it here.)

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Filed under marriage, Prop 8

we’re here. we’re queer.

J and I woke up this morning feeling a little ambivalent about driving forty minutes to go to a Join the Impact rally. It would mean we would have to hop out of bed and into the shower without coffee or tea or making signs. She grabbed my computer for me and told me to think about it as I lay in bed sipping tea. We could always show up late. We didn’t have to stay, but at the same time, I was still sick. We were leaning toward staying home.

But then we hopped onto the Join the Impact website, and lo and behold, our little town was suddenly joining in as well. We decided we could easily stop to get some poster board and head to our city hall. In fact, because there were only three of us out holding signs on election day, we figured the crowd here would be tiny and that we had an obligation to add to the numbers.

So we left for downtown, grabbed sign-making supplies, and set up shop on a bench for a few moments.


Within moments, the signs were complete, and we were ready to join the growing group of people.


So far, there were only about ten of us, but ten was better than nothing. Before long, though, people were showing up with flags (rainbow, HRC, American, queer American, etc.) and signs and dogs and children. Our little group grew to a crowd of over a hundred! I honestly had expected no more than a dozen, and I was glad to be proven wrong.


The atmosphere was great. People were excited to be there. All of us were pissed off but positive. There were plenty of straight people there. One straight family was there with their little boy, and they were trying to explain to him that everyone deserves the right to be married. We had many people honking and waving as they drove by, and there were very few people out spreading any hate–a few–but not enough to affect us in the least.

J and I stood together for most of the rally holding a sign that read, “We want our marriage back!”



We made others too, including “<3 +<3 = marriage,” “End H8 Politics Now,” and “Bigotry Sucks! Ask me how I know.” We were glad to have extras because various people came and joined the rally and wanted signs. One old woman who could barely walk with the assistance of her walker came to join us. Teenaged girls came and held signs. It was pretty remarkable.


There was at least one local newsperson there–a photographer. We don’t know which paper she was from, but she took many photos of J and I, so we anticipate appearing in a local paper again tomorrow. That’s fine. We can do that.


Ultimately, while I’m exhausted and in desperate need of a nap, I’m so glad we went. We’re already planning a trip to Sacramento for next Saturday’s giant rally because it feels a hell of a lot better to go scream with others than it does to sit on the sofa pissed off.

And the best part of the day? When we got home, a sperm tank was waiting by our front door. This is going to be a better week.


Filed under marriage, Marriage Equality Resources, Prop 8


There are many, many really big reasons I wish Prop 8 hadn’t passed, but one of the more petty reasons is that it is disrupting my life. I am at a point in the semester when I need to be spending all of my free time grading if I am ever going to come up for air, but instead, I’m focused on what we’re going to do about all this. J and I want to focus on our health and on baby-making, but instead, we are bickering over whether or not our time on Sunday would be best spent at a rally in Sacramento. Every day seems to bring something regarding this damn amendment that interferes with life as we need to live it, and it’s pissing me off.

I want to be a good queer activist and get out there and march, but I need to get my car smogged, order parts for our other car, grade papers, do laundry, clean the house, read my students’ assigned reading, shop for groceries, and so much more. How does one do the activist thing and live a normal life too? My guess is one doesn’t. That’s why so many protesters are college students. Skip class to protest? Cool! I know. I used to be there. But how does someone like me forget all of these obligations and go yell for four hours? And if I do, what does that do for our cause? Is it fair to sacrifice my teaching for this? Should my students suffer because we want to go stand with our people?

Honestly, I don’t know, and this is a source of tension in my household tonight. Ugh. I hate tension.


Filed under conflicts, Marriage Equality Resources, Prop 8

it’s official. hate and intolerance won.

Thank you for all of the warm and caring responses on the last post. This is a rough time, and it’s helpful to see these words of yours, to feel the intention behind them. You all are really lovely people.

I received an email from the No on 8 campaign that states, “[W]hile the election was close, and millions of votes still remain uncounted, it has become apparent that we lost.”

We knew that was coming, but it hits even harder now that it’s here. I cannot believe our state has done this. My mom called me last night in tears, just devastated for us, hurting for us. She told me all kinds of scary stories–how one supporter of 8 on television declared, “I’m votin’ YES, ’cause I don’t want them to make me marry a man!” I apparently didn’t get the memo that same-sex marriage was the law of the land once it was legalized. We have a lot of really ignorant people in this state. I am sad to know that they have so much power.

J and I are still struggling today. We don’t know what to do with this. We have two weddings to attend in the coming year, and one of these weddings, I am to officiate. They are heterosexual weddings. I never thought I would find it difficult to attend a heterosexual wedding, but it’s hard to think about these. We’ll still go through with them of course–one is my brother’s wedding and the other is the wedding of two of our best friends–but the knowledge that these are coming up is difficult to handle. It may very well turn out that I will be marrying my friends when my marriage has been made illegal. I never imagined that would happen, and I just can’t think about that right now.

We are hearing so many conflicting comments about the status of our own marriage. For now, it’s safe, but it may not be for long. The supporters of Prop 8 fully intended to nullify any marriages that took place between June 16th and now, so it is expected that they will challenge the Attorney General soon to make sure that we don’t have our marriages. These people aren’t gong to stop until they have stripped us of this right completely. Hell, at this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if they went after domestic partnership too. It makes me sick, utterly sick to even write this out, but they find us that reprehensible, that inhuman.

I don’t know how we move on from this. We can’t afford attorneys to fight this. Essentially, we have to sit back and watch, and that is not something I’m comfortable with. Instead, I think we’ve both decided to block out the world a little and focus on ourselves and making our family. We’ll work on the health front, the job front, all of the things that need to be better and that we can actually do something about. And maybe we’ll find in a few months that the state Supreme Court has once again secured our marriage.

In the meantime, we’ll still be here.


Filed under bigots, marriage, Prop 8