Category Archives: Marriage Equality Resources

abs of steel, the wrong way

Coughing Update: I think I strained my frenulum. My abs hurt. If I cough one more time, I’m going to cry. Last night I coughed myself out of bed and slept on the sofa (where, oddly enough, I didn’t cough again until 7am). The only things that seem to keep this beastly coughing away are brandy and Ty.lenol PM. I imagine horse tranquilizers would work too, but I don’t have those handy. I’m so tired of hearing myself complain about this, and I’m sorry to subject all of you to it again.

Fertility Update: I’m getting closer to a positive OPK. We’re still a day away I think, but my EWCM has never been so beautiful (and by beautiful, I mean plentiful and, well, shiny). My best guess is that we’ll inseminate Thursday, maybe Friday.

Activism Update: In other exciting news, I think J and I are headed to a giant rally on Saturday in Saramento. There will be speakers (including Gavin Newsom!), thousands of people, and, rumor has it, even post-rally parties! Some sites are estimating we’ll get something like 30-40 thousand people. Part of me doubts this, and part of me thinks we may very well pull it off. If you can make it to Sacramento Saturday, come join us! (Seriously, if you think you might go, shoot me an email. It would be fun to meet up!) If you can’t go, tell people who live in or near California to go if they can. It will be well worth it to stand together for equality. I think a lot of us are seeing this as a warm-up to a million gay march that has yet to be scheduled but is certainly in the works.


Filed under Marriage Equality Resources, OPK, sick

we’re here. we’re queer.

J and I woke up this morning feeling a little ambivalent about driving forty minutes to go to a Join the Impact rally. It would mean we would have to hop out of bed and into the shower without coffee or tea or making signs. She grabbed my computer for me and told me to think about it as I lay in bed sipping tea. We could always show up late. We didn’t have to stay, but at the same time, I was still sick. We were leaning toward staying home.

But then we hopped onto the Join the Impact website, and lo and behold, our little town was suddenly joining in as well. We decided we could easily stop to get some poster board and head to our city hall. In fact, because there were only three of us out holding signs on election day, we figured the crowd here would be tiny and that we had an obligation to add to the numbers.

So we left for downtown, grabbed sign-making supplies, and set up shop on a bench for a few moments.


Within moments, the signs were complete, and we were ready to join the growing group of people.


So far, there were only about ten of us, but ten was better than nothing. Before long, though, people were showing up with flags (rainbow, HRC, American, queer American, etc.) and signs and dogs and children. Our little group grew to a crowd of over a hundred! I honestly had expected no more than a dozen, and I was glad to be proven wrong.


The atmosphere was great. People were excited to be there. All of us were pissed off but positive. There were plenty of straight people there. One straight family was there with their little boy, and they were trying to explain to him that everyone deserves the right to be married. We had many people honking and waving as they drove by, and there were very few people out spreading any hate–a few–but not enough to affect us in the least.

J and I stood together for most of the rally holding a sign that read, “We want our marriage back!”



We made others too, including “<3 +<3 = marriage,” “End H8 Politics Now,” and “Bigotry Sucks! Ask me how I know.” We were glad to have extras because various people came and joined the rally and wanted signs. One old woman who could barely walk with the assistance of her walker came to join us. Teenaged girls came and held signs. It was pretty remarkable.


There was at least one local newsperson there–a photographer. We don’t know which paper she was from, but she took many photos of J and I, so we anticipate appearing in a local paper again tomorrow. That’s fine. We can do that.


Ultimately, while I’m exhausted and in desperate need of a nap, I’m so glad we went. We’re already planning a trip to Sacramento for next Saturday’s giant rally because it feels a hell of a lot better to go scream with others than it does to sit on the sofa pissed off.

And the best part of the day? When we got home, a sperm tank was waiting by our front door. This is going to be a better week.


Filed under marriage, Marriage Equality Resources, Prop 8

end of day cranky thoughts

I’m so tired from a very long day at school, a somewhat demeaning meeting with the faculty member who observed me (she told me I could work for one of the full-timers as a grader since I don’t have classes next semester), and just utter exhaustion from the infighting and the stress associated with the Prop 8 shit. I am not feeling like my nice, polite, articulate self, so I present to you three important matters for today’s post:

Matter One: If you’d like someone toward whom you can direct your anger over those missing civil rights, take a gander at this asshat: Jim Quinn. Could this man be any more disgusting?

Matter Two: If you need a forum for your anger, a place and time to stand with others like you, Join the Impact this weekend. Find a rally in a city near you here. J and I will be rallying in our nearest city on Saturday. Where will you be? (And for fuck’s sake, don’t tell me you’ll be boycotting California wine. It’s the best this country has to offer, and we need it in times like these!)

Matter Three: J ordered our sperm today. We have a new donor (since we used the last vial of the old one). I’m so glad to be on to this cycle already.

Tomorrow, J and I are meeting up with my mom to shop for xmas gifts. It will be a nice reprieve from all of this hoopla. My greatest hope is that we find a perfect reading lamp. I can’t abide reading student papers in permanent mood lighting any longer.

I hope I’m not so grumpy tomorrow.



Filed under Marriage Equality Resources, Politics, Ramblings, sperm

on california boycotts

I have had a couple of comments here urging me to boycott California products and services or urging me to buy products in Massachusetts instead of my home state. And while I respect those who are making such suggestions and the fact that they want to make a difference, these are, unfortunately, highly problematic suggestions for a few reasons:

1. I live in California. To purchase products and services in other states is virtually impossible. Am I to send my car to Massachusetts to have it smogged? Am I to fly to Connecticut for my next haircut? Should I take a train to Canada to shop for groceries? I’m sorry folks, but those of us living in California need to buy local products for many reasons, one of those being simple practicality. It is not practical–or even rational–for me to boycott products in my hometown and state. 

2. Considering how much travelling and shipping I would have to do, buying goods and services outside of my state would be incredibly ecologically irresponsible. I am not willing to increase my carbon footprint for the very minimal statement my purchase would make.

3. If I were to boycott local goods and services from my state, I would be hurting my already ailing local and state economy. Our state is in a major budget crisis. As Californians, our schools are in trouble; our hospitals, fire departments, and all social services department are hurting. Our businesses are hurting. We as individuals are hurting. When people stop buying our goods and services, no statement is made about same-sex marriage. Instead, we citizens are just made to suffer more.

4. Many business owners in California are gay or gay friendly. I am proud to support these businesses and others should be too. Many of these business owners gave a significant amount of money to the No on 8 campaign, and many of these people continue to fight for our rights. Our hairstylist talked numerous people into voting No on 8. She’s not gay, but she does support us. Some of my favorite bars, restaurants, and wineries are owned or operated by gay people. I’m not about to punish them for something they fought against. No way.

5. Nearly fifty percent of Californians voted no on Prop 8. There are others who support our cause who did not vote for one reason or another. I am not willing to harm those of us who were against this initiative to make a statement, and I would urge others to avoid hurting them as well. When boycotting California goods and services, how are you to know what the business-owner’s politics or sexual orientation may be? This is just too risky.

6. Such a boycott is misdirected. Boycotting goods and services in California won’t do a thing to help our cause. It will harm individuals; it will harm our state social services, but how are businesses to know that you’re boycotting them because you support same-sex marriage? It’s just not a reasonable response.

There is other talk about boycotts. Boycotting businesses owned and operated by the LDS church may help a bit more than trying to punish 52% of Californians the way they did; working to repeal the LDS church’s tax-exempt status (see the link under Activism on the right) may be even more effective. John Aravosis over at Americablog is suggesting we boycott tourism in Utah, but this too may hurt those many families who may have had nothing to do with this.

All of this is problematic. I guess I’m not much of a punitive activist because I don’t see it working to make change. The major funding behind Yes on 8 came from the LDS church, but there were church members who quietly opposed this, even wards who opposed what the church was asking them to do. So do we hurt everyone who is LDS because we are angry and hurt?

I’m inclined to say that we need to work this from a positive perspective. What can we do to change people’s hearts? I know, for one, that we could use more exposure. So many people think of gay folks and images from pride parades flood their brains. They think about drag queens and people in leather, and while I don’t have any sort of problem with drag or leather, I do think that these images are unusual and even scary to people who don’t know any gay people. Perhaps if they saw that the majority of us are relatively normal people, they would begin to shift. I know that when Gavin Newsome began issuing marriage licenses in San Francisco in 2004, people were so surprised to see the gay couples on TV. I heard people say, “They’re so normal!” “Wow, they have kids like we do!” and so many other comments that led me to believe these people just don’t have regular exposure to queer folk.

One action J and I have taken is to be publicly out–with our students, with our community. We’ve never been particularly closeted, but there have been so many times when we have wanted to hold hands in public but haven’t. Now we do. We have both taught so many classes, avoiding any mention of a pronoun in reference to our partners; no more. J actually brought our wedding album to share with her students on Thursday just to give them a face to place on this initiative. My students on Wednesday, after I came out to them Monday, offered their condolensces and expressed their disappointment in fellow Californians. Visibility is important, and it’s something we never had through the No on 8 campaign.

There are so many more actions we can take. Please, feel free to share any positive actions you have taken or positive actions you would suggest taking to help work toward same-sex marriage and adoption rights throughout our country.


Filed under marriage, Marriage Equality Resources, Politics


There are many, many really big reasons I wish Prop 8 hadn’t passed, but one of the more petty reasons is that it is disrupting my life. I am at a point in the semester when I need to be spending all of my free time grading if I am ever going to come up for air, but instead, I’m focused on what we’re going to do about all this. J and I want to focus on our health and on baby-making, but instead, we are bickering over whether or not our time on Sunday would be best spent at a rally in Sacramento. Every day seems to bring something regarding this damn amendment that interferes with life as we need to live it, and it’s pissing me off.

I want to be a good queer activist and get out there and march, but I need to get my car smogged, order parts for our other car, grade papers, do laundry, clean the house, read my students’ assigned reading, shop for groceries, and so much more. How does one do the activist thing and live a normal life too? My guess is one doesn’t. That’s why so many protesters are college students. Skip class to protest? Cool! I know. I used to be there. But how does someone like me forget all of these obligations and go yell for four hours? And if I do, what does that do for our cause? Is it fair to sacrifice my teaching for this? Should my students suffer because we want to go stand with our people?

Honestly, I don’t know, and this is a source of tension in my household tonight. Ugh. I hate tension.


Filed under conflicts, Marriage Equality Resources, Prop 8