Category Archives: IVP

she’s here

I started spotting late last night and it’s come on full force today. So we’re on to the last cycle with Mr. G and potentially our last cycle for many months. Perhaps we’ll find that with a new approach and a new donor, this will work out much more quickly, or perhaps we’ll find that we don’t have to think about any of that because I’ll be pregnant from this last upcoming attempt. In my state right now, I doubt that, but I can’t be sure, and I can’t let my bad mood taint my future.

So J and I are moving on I suppose. Tonight we’ll go to a play about people detained unlawfully at Guantanamo Bay. I’m sure it will be about as uplifting as a basket of kittens, but perhaps it will be helpful to focus on pain that is bigger than mine for awhile.

Thank you all for being there for us over the last few days–as always. It’s so good to have this community especially when we’re feeling so isolated in our everyday lives. Thank you, you sweet, sweet women. xo

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Filed under IVP, Period, ttc

announcements, epiphanies, and nonsense

Before I launch into a very self-centered post, I’d like to draw your attention elsewhere:

First, please send your love and support to Mrs. Bluemont.

Second, send your congratulations and warm wishes to j.k-c., who’s finally gotten knocked up! Congratulations!

And now, on to topics of the more self-centered variety.

It’s funny how we can go along with our lives feeling and thinking things, not paying much attention to them, while also never realizing that such feelings and thoughts aren’t so normal or useful. I honestly hadn’t noticed that I was so negative about this journey until I wrote that post the other day, so when I started reading all of your amazing and supportive comments, I was initially surprised. I wanted to say, “Oh, it’s really not that bad. I’m fine! Really!” And then J read it, and I came home from buying groceries, and she said, “I read your post. I didn’t know you were feeling so down. Let’s talk about this.” I burst into tears and realized that I did feel the things that I wrote, and those feelings were just as strong as they sounded, and I’ve been minimizing them. Blogging certainly does make for good therapy.

Over the last couple of days, I’m feeling better. This is due, in no small part, to the comments of some very dear people in blogland and the support of my beloved J. I’m very lucky to have this community, and it’s comforting to know that so long as I keep writing, people will be here. I like that. So thank you to those of you who responded with words of comfort and wisdom and to those who read and supported me in silence. It means a lot. I promise not to put my feelings into a garbage compactor anymore.

Moving along to better things (I know, nice transition): The California Supreme Court ruling has J and I in tears of joy every time we mention it. We’ve been domestic partners here for about four years ago. We had a commitment ceremony in 2001. Now we’re going to be able to get married. We don’t know yet how we’ll do it or when, but we will, and that’s exciting. Whatever it takes, we’ll finally be legally married. Our child(ren) will have married parents–unless of course, the fundamentalist freaks get their way and California voters pass a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. But we’re not going to let that happen.

As for this TTC business, I’m taking each day as it comes. I’m only 6dpo, so no symptoms of the fake or real variety to report, and I don’t think I’ll be reporting them. I’m tired of psyching myself out with super-sore boobs only to find that I’m just having one hell of a period. I am, however, eating tons of pineapple, although I realized I’ve got a whole bottle of bromelain capusules that would do the same thing. However, the pineapple right now is so sweet and delicious, I wouldn’t dare replace it with pills.

And that’s all for me this lovely Friday. The sun is already scorching, and we’re expected to reach over 100 degrees today. I’ll be expending most of my energy trying not to melt.

Happy weekend!

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Filed under dear readers, heat, IVP, J, marriage, thanks, ttc, TWW

Spot

First, thank you to everyone who commented over the last couple of days. Your support and kind words have been remarkably healing, and you’re helping us see how we might get through this. I have been awed by this support for others out there in our TTC community, but being the subject of it oneself is truly remarkable. You all really are helping us get through this. What an amazing group of women! To others who are going through similar issues, know that we’re thinking of you often and sending you strength and compassion.

Last night I started spotting. Nothing today, but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s happened before that I’ve spotted and then stopped only to start my period full force later in the day, so I’m not holding out any hope at all. My temperature is way down. We’re out.

This month it looks like we’ll have to deal with a foreseen donor issue, as he warned us a few months ago that he would be out of town from the last week of November through the first week in December. Because my body feeds on inconvenience, it looks like I’ll ovulate the last week in November (I’ll also likely ovulate Christmas day). We’ve decided to be proactive, though, and go through a bank this time so that we don’t have to sit this cycle out. At this point, with everything that is happening, I think it would be really bad for our morale not to go ahead with this. So, we’re biting the bullet and getting each other sperm for a Winter Solstice gift this year.

In the meantime, we have ladies poker on Saturday, and I’m going to drink a lot of wine.

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Filed under IVP, ttc