Category Archives: dear readers

better than brahms

You all are seriously awesome. After reading your responses  yesterday, I formulated a plan.

First, we already had a body pillow, but we were using it as a bolster behind our pillows. J brought it out to the living room floor so that I could practice rolling over with it. I didn’t’ succeed, but I did confirm that it was comfy, so we decided it would make its way into the bed. And, while I couldn’t get a netty pot yesterday, I could get saline spray, something I had forgotten does help with my sinuses.

So last night, bedtime went more like this:

12:00: Go to bed (I admit to having a little anxiety about sleeping, so I stayed up late).

12:01: Kiss my wife, and snuggle up to the pillow.

12:02: Pass out like a drunk college student.

1:30: Wake up to pee (without sleeping on the toilet).

1:31: Go back to bed, look at clock, see that it’s my usual first pee time, snuggle up to my pillow, and pass out like a still-drunk college student.

2:00: Flip without pillow.

2:15: Flip back over because the pillow is so much better.

5:15: Become mildly aware that my wife is trying to steal my body pillow.

5:20: Flip, and relinquish the pillow.

5:30: Flip back over and reclaim the pillow. Realize I have to pee again, but ignore it because the pillow is so comfy, and peeing can wait.

7:30: Awaken for the day.

Now, it’s not a perfect night’s sleep, but that is a far cry better than previous nights. The pillow makes sleeping much easier, and as someone said, I found myself not wanting to flip because the pillow was comfier. Taking it with me was too much for my drowsy brain to comprehend, so a little break on my right side seemed to suffice, and I’d go right back to my left.

I do find it amusing that my wife tried to steal the pillow. I didn’t mind sharing for a few minutes though. If it becomes a habit, we might have to talk–or get her own, in which case, a king-sized bed may soon be in order too.

This morning is far better. I did have a cat step on my uterus, which was scary (luckily it was the small one, and only one paw, but still–yikes!). Otherwise, I’m much happier and far less worried about going to bed tonight, and I have all of you to thank for it.


Filed under dear readers, sleep, the P word

ask me, ask me, ask me*

It’s mid-Nablopomo, and I’ve not got a thing to say, so I’m taking a page from Ms. Specific Distiny’s book and putting out the questions box. What do you want to know about me, J, or our TTC process? What questions do you have? If you have been lurking (and I know you’re out there–I see you), what have you wondered? I double dog dare you to ask a question! But questions are not limited to lurkers. Oh no. For those who have been following along for all of these months, what do you want to know? What have you often wondered? This is your chance to take part in my tell-all (or tell-some, as this is likely to turn out).

I’m planning to create a FAQ page, and these questions along with our responses will be featured on that page. So go ahead, ask me (or J) a question. We promise to answer so long as it doesn’t jeopardize our semi-anonymity.

*Brownie points to anyone who can identify the song/group this title comes from.


Filed under dear readers, questions


I think I’m beginning to emerge from the funk I’ve been in for the past few days. I was really down most of the day yesterday–just feeling miserable and empty and sad and quiet. Once J came home from teaching, I felt so much better knowing that we would have a few days to spend together before the routine of the school week begins again on Monday. I don’t think it helps that I’ve been on the verge of a sinus infection and suffering the retched headaches that accompany such things.  

We have an official appointment with our midwife on October 1st. I like that. It’s the first day of the month when we get to start trying again. We can’t wait to meet this woman.

I can’t say that the “h” word is back in my vocabulary necessarily, but J’s enthusiasm is contagious. I should mention that she is the cynical one in our relationship, not that I am a fountain of optimism, but J is typically the one to think things will go wrong, and I’m usually the one reassuring her that things will improve. I’m not used to this new J, this person who has hope and who is trying like mad to get me to feel it too. I rather like her.

We have a full weekend ahead of us. We’re going to meet up with my parents tonight to see Lewis Black. Then tomorrow we have a literary festival to attend. Mostly, though, we get to spend time together, which is such a precious thing these days.

Thank you all for letting me stand on your shoulders, for having hope for me when it’s such a foreign feeling to me. You’re a beautiful bunch of souls, ladies.


Filed under dear readers, depression, J, Ramblings

this and that: disjointed ramblings of a newlywed with PMS

First things first: There is a new baby in the world, born to the lovely ohchicken. Welcome to the world, Sparky, and congratulations, Moms!

Thank you so much for all of your congratulatory comments. J and I have been overwhelmed with pride as we have watched and read news story after news story about couples being married and communities celebrating with them. This has been a great moment to be a part of, and we feel really lucky.

For the past couple of days, we have been putting together a scrapbook, cutting out articles from the paper, and sending out announcements. This weekend we’re going to my parents’ house to celebrate with them. It’s quite possible the celebration will be interrupted by the birth of my niece. I certainly won’t complain if that’s the case.

Otherwise, there isn’t much going on with us. I’m looking for a new donor, but I’m increasingly convinced that we just need to save up for frozen sperm. I’m just so tired of trying to sort out weird men.

For now, I’m going to tackle tasks that I can actually do something about:

1. I’m trying to find a new hairstyle that will ease me through this really awkward transition from short to longer-short hair. It was just my luck that I had tons of photos taken and appeared on the front page of a moderately significant newspaper with the hair from hell. Ack.

2. I’m working to find my motivation to lose weight again. Yes, I know, I’ve got all the motivation in the world if I think of having a baby. Blah, blah, blah. I used that in the months leading up to our first insemination, and it worked out well. For some reason, that doesn’t work anymore though, and maybe this is because it’s becoming harder and harder to imagine a baby in our future. I was having a hell of a time even remembering to take prenatal vitamins for the past few months. Anyway, this is something I’ll be working at again, and I’ll write more about this life-long struggle when it’s not triggering some crazy, cranky PMS hormones.

3. I’m going to plan my class for the fall. This can be a fun task, especially with the break I’ve had from teaching and with the prospects of new students, new colleagues, and new experiences. I may actually be prepared when the fall semester begins. That would be impressive.

I’m sure there’s more, but I think I’m done jumping from topic to topic for now. I’m confusing myself–one minute I’m joyous, another I’m bitter. Oh how I hate my hormones, especially when there’s not a chance in hell that these “symptoms” have anything to do with pregnancy. Ugh.

But I don’t want to end on a negative note, damnit. I started off talking about new babies and weddings and wonderful readers, so I’ll end with one of my favorite photographs from this week. It appeared in the SF Chronicle:

And if you’re interested in seeing more photos–and there are lots of tear jerkers–take a look here. Don’t miss the wedding album on the right of that page. I guarantee wet eyes all around.

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Filed under celebrations, craftiness, dear readers, diversions, family, Hair, health, marriage, Ramblings, The Great Sperm Search, The Long Break

announcements, epiphanies, and nonsense

Before I launch into a very self-centered post, I’d like to draw your attention elsewhere:

First, please send your love and support to Mrs. Bluemont.

Second, send your congratulations and warm wishes to j.k-c., who’s finally gotten knocked up! Congratulations!

And now, on to topics of the more self-centered variety.

It’s funny how we can go along with our lives feeling and thinking things, not paying much attention to them, while also never realizing that such feelings and thoughts aren’t so normal or useful. I honestly hadn’t noticed that I was so negative about this journey until I wrote that post the other day, so when I started reading all of your amazing and supportive comments, I was initially surprised. I wanted to say, “Oh, it’s really not that bad. I’m fine! Really!” And then J read it, and I came home from buying groceries, and she said, “I read your post. I didn’t know you were feeling so down. Let’s talk about this.” I burst into tears and realized that I did feel the things that I wrote, and those feelings were just as strong as they sounded, and I’ve been minimizing them. Blogging certainly does make for good therapy.

Over the last couple of days, I’m feeling better. This is due, in no small part, to the comments of some very dear people in blogland and the support of my beloved J. I’m very lucky to have this community, and it’s comforting to know that so long as I keep writing, people will be here. I like that. So thank you to those of you who responded with words of comfort and wisdom and to those who read and supported me in silence. It means a lot. I promise not to put my feelings into a garbage compactor anymore.

Moving along to better things (I know, nice transition): The California Supreme Court ruling has J and I in tears of joy every time we mention it. We’ve been domestic partners here for about four years ago. We had a commitment ceremony in 2001. Now we’re going to be able to get married. We don’t know yet how we’ll do it or when, but we will, and that’s exciting. Whatever it takes, we’ll finally be legally married. Our child(ren) will have married parents–unless of course, the fundamentalist freaks get their way and California voters pass a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. But we’re not going to let that happen.

As for this TTC business, I’m taking each day as it comes. I’m only 6dpo, so no symptoms of the fake or real variety to report, and I don’t think I’ll be reporting them. I’m tired of psyching myself out with super-sore boobs only to find that I’m just having one hell of a period. I am, however, eating tons of pineapple, although I realized I’ve got a whole bottle of bromelain capusules that would do the same thing. However, the pineapple right now is so sweet and delicious, I wouldn’t dare replace it with pills.

And that’s all for me this lovely Friday. The sun is already scorching, and we’re expected to reach over 100 degrees today. I’ll be expending most of my energy trying not to melt.

Happy weekend!

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Filed under dear readers, heat, IVP, J, marriage, thanks, ttc, TWW