Category Archives: anniversary

anniversary

Right now, I am sitting in our office listening to my wife shush and walk our crying, sleepy boy to sleep. She has learned such patience in these past seven months. She’s an incredible mother, so giving and loving of this boy we created. That love is no surprise to me. I have known it well now for a dozen years.

A dozen years is how long my wife and I have been together as of today. Twelve years ago this evening, my wife and I went on our first date. (You can read our story here.) These have been twelve blessed and beautiful years. They have been full of bumps and joys, some sadness and some celebrations, but more than all of that, they have been twelve years filled with the greatest love of my life. I am so grateful that twelve years ago, this woman got up the courage to ask me to be her date, but I am even more grateful to have been her partner in life and in love for the past twelve years. What a beautiful road we are travelling together.

Happy Anniversary, my beautiful J. I adore you endlessly.

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Big Boy

Eight years ago today, my wife and I recited vows to one another and jumped over a broom in front of our dearest friends and family at our commitment ceremony (this is now one of three anniversaries we have). Today, we celebrated by taking a peak at our son.

This afternoon was our ultrasound to check on Egghead’s growth. Now, remember that the OB was worried that since I haven’t yet gained any weight that Egghead may not be growing enough. I believe that Egghead has been having a big laugh since the ultrasound order was written because he is, in fact, a very big boy.

Egghead’s estimated weight at this time is 7 pounds 1 ounce. He is measuring full term and in the 85th percentile. His feet are over seven centimeters long.

BigFoot34weeks

I don’t think we need to worry about my lack of weight gain, for Egghead has clearly found what he needs to be a very, very big boy. The ultrasound tech renamed him Bruiser.

Honestly, this was a great experience. We had a recently graduated high school student with dreams of becoming an x-ray or ultrasound tech observing, so our tech narrated everything from the measurements of Egghead’s cerebellum to her discussion of the cord, the amniotic fluid levels (which are very good), and more. It was so educational, and it didn’t hurt that the u/s tech was sassy as can be.

Along with measuring Egghead, she took a look at my fibroids, and I got to see the things that have caused me so much angst. One is way up at the top of my uterus, and another is closer to the bottom but off to one side. That one is the big one, the one that was measuring 7cm. Since then it has shrunk to 6.5cm, and it is nowhere near my cervix or the baby’s head. She showed me the nice clear area all around the cervix, and our son’s head nearby. She didn’t see anything blocking his exit, and nor did we.

I can hardly begin to relate just how relieved I am.

I have been preparing myself for the worst since we learned of these fibroids. I have had so much anxiety that somehow any dreams I ever had of anything resembling the birth I wanted were shot. Now, I feel the weight of all of that fear lifted, and I feel free to prepare myself for the hard work of labor and delivery. I’m firmly aware that things can still go wrong, but I’ve got hope that they won’t, hope that I may get a little slice of that birth I wanted after all. I think I’m going to be delivering a nearly ten pound baby boy vaginally, and I couldn’t be happier.

She gave us a couple of additional photos. In one, she wanted to show the student Egghead’s penis, but he was only willing to show his scrotum (complete with two testicles). I had asked J what she would do if we suddenly found out our boy was a girl, so after relating that story to the tech, she printed us this:

StillABoy34weeks

And, finally, she did get Egghead to cooperate and show us a profile. J and I noticed he appears to be pursing his lips–that or the child has a giant overbite. Either way, he’s our beautiful Egghead:

Profile34weeks

And last, so that you can get the big picture, here’s my 34w5d belly shot:

34w5d

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one year ago today

Kiss1

 

Last year at this time, my wife and I were planning for our wedding at the county clerk’s office. We went to the market and had bouquets of miniature red roses made, and we pressed our clothes, preparing to be one of the first same-sex couples legally married in the state of California.

It was a glorious day, full of hope and inspiration. Our UU church was there handing out flowers and wedding favors, cheering us on as each newly married couple emerged. We were even featured on the front page of newspaper kissing following our exchange of vows (see above).

I will never forget that day–how it felt to be in that office with the press and all of the happy couples waiting to get their turn, how excited everyone around us was, how good it felt to be part of history and to be securing our commitment legally. We didn’t know what would happen down the road, but we knew that we were married, and we couldn’t imagine anyone taking that away from us.

Well, a year later, we’re still married. J and I are one couple of 18,000 who were married during the short time that California practiced marriage equality. Honestly though, I think both of us feel sad today more than celebratory. I know I feel a fair amount of guilt that we somehow got to keep our marriage just because we did it before November, guilt that so many now cannot take advantage of this privilege. It’s a bittersweet sort of day for us.

Still, I mustn’t overlook the fact that my wife–my love of over eleven years–is my legal spouse in California. Our son will have both of our names on his birth certificate from the very beginning, and for these things, we really are grateful.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

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our story

Eleven years ago today, my wife and I went on our first date.

J and I had met a year prior when we worked at our university’s writing center. We liked each other and would always sit together at meetings. Unfortunately, J had to leave school that semester to take care of her mom who had cancer. When she returned the following semester, Spring 1998, I was so excited to see her. That she was in one of my classes was the best of news. In this class, we became close. She would sometimes drive me home from school, and we would chat, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, and laugh a lot. At the time, I was primarily dating men, and while I had been with one woman before, I hadn’t pursued any others (the girl broke my heart). When J told me she was gay, I remember blushing–not because I was uncomfortable, but because I quickly realized that the path we were headed down was something other than friendship.

The class was over midway through the semester, and J began to pursue me in earnest. She would show up at my house with coffee, ready to take me for a drive, or she would find me after class, buy me lunch, and drive me home or to her house. One night, I went to her house after having a drink or two with friends, and she had plans to seduce me. We painted, and she played music (I distinctly remember her giving me the eye as she played Dave Matthews’ “Say Goodbye”–a one-night stand song), and her best friend N–a man who was in love with her–showed up and thwarted her plans. It was long before I was weary and decided to go home. It really is best, for I think at that point, it would just have been a one-night stand.

Time went on, and we became closer friends. J would drop poems in my mailbox in the writing center. She would take me for drives to the beach, where we would sit in the dark in her car talking. I was nervous as hell because I knew something was happening, but my nerves sent her the wrong signal, and she started to back off. I didn’t like this. And so, I invited her for dinner one night, very subtly letting her know that I missed her advances, and the mutual flirtation began in earnest.

About a week into this, J called me to tell me about her upcoming sorority formal. You see, she had been pledging a sorority just for the hell of it. She was a senior in college. She was older than all of the girls in the sorority (she had served a three-year stint in the military before school), and it really was this strange little game she was playing. I think she enjoyed the friendships she was making, but she was only out to a few of them. Many of the other girls were fairly conservative and undoubtedly a bit homophobic. Well, the formal was to be her initiation–a graduation of sorts–and she was to bring a date. When she called, she mentioned that she thought it would be funny to shock all of the girls by showing up with me as her date. As someone who never turned down an opportunity to make people a little uncomfortable, I was game, but she wasn’t asking in earnest, and our conversation ended with me wondering what that would have been like. Minutes later, my phone rang again, and J asked me if I really would like to be her date. I gave her an unwavering yes. I was so nervous, so excited.

The following week was spent getting ready, flirting like crazy, hugging and staring at each other but never kissing, shopping for the perfect clothes, and just generally getting excited. It felt like prom. We found J a flowy black velvet suit, and I had a short burgundy velvet dress. If nothing else, we’d be the cuddliest people there. When the night arrived, J had to go to her super-secret initiation first. I arrived with the dates of the other new pledges, and I stood in the lobby with these guys as we waited for our ladies to emerge and take us to the party. Soon, J did come out. We hugged, and we made our way into the ballroom of the hotel where many of her new sorority sisters learned for the first time that J was a big ole lesbian (most were really great about it, but some were visibly shocked that she had brought a woman as her date). We had a blast that night. We danced and danced, ended up at the hotel lounge where karaoke was happening, and we held hands for the first time as someone sang some song I can’t remember very, very poorly. It was all magical, full of sparks and butterlies in the stomach.

That night, J spent the night at my house for the first time. We had still never kissed. We went to bed and snuggled. She kept falling asleep, and I would nudge her or rub her arm to wake her. Finally, in the middle of the night, she awoke, and our faces were no more than an inch apart. We kissed and kissed and kissed and feel asleep again.  We’ve never stopped kissing. We never will.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

J and T's first date

J and T's first date

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Vacation!

J and I are leaving in the middle of the night tonight to make it to Southern California to start our anniversary week cruise. I can’t believe it’s been ten years! Ten years! I’ve spent a whole decade with this wonderful woman.

We’re both terribly excited and can’t wait to have some time away to enjoy ourselves. I’m certain I’ll have plenty to write upon our return.

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