where the grieving mom gets a little ranty and a lot sentimental

Because google is taking its blog reader away from us, I have recently found myself transitioning over to another reader, and in the process, taking a look at what I haven’t read lately. One blog I came across was from a mom blogger (not part of our LGBT TTC community) I used to occasionally enjoy, though I can’t say I was a regular reader. I found her snarky, funny, and typically enjoyable to read. So I set about reading this post that spent a couple of thousand words complaining about her annoying children, and I found myself feeling sicker and sicker and sicker. I wrote a bit of a ranty comment (which she hasn’t yet approved–probably a good thing) when I probably should have slunk away instead of being some sort of wet blanket at the snarky mom party. But I didn’t.

There’s something about taking a long time to become a mom, seeing the hell people go through to get their kids that makes a person more sensitive to this sort of thing. There’s something about losing a child that makes this sort of whiny snark-fest even less tolerable. I found myself yesterday looking at a few of these other similar blogs, people who openly dislike being mothers, who make a living on talking about how shitty their kids are or how justified they feel yelling at them, and after my incredulous head shaking stopped, I just felt sad about how much these moms are missing because they seem to be missing everything.

But then I consider this blog community, you readers out there who waited and read and cheered as we worked toward making BG, who cheered one another on and held each other up through positive pregnancy tests and postponed inseminations and failed cycles and miscarriages and births of healthy and less healthy babies, and I am so very grateful to be amidst a group of women who just get it. You get how sacred our children are, and even on your worst days when parenting is just shit, you remember what your blog sisters have endured, and you consider them in your writing and even in how you treat your kids. It’s pretty remarkable, and having been the recipient of so much kindness and generosity from this community, I just want to thank you for being really fabulous people.







Filed under blogging, parenting

8 responses to “where the grieving mom gets a little ranty and a lot sentimental

  1. I can truly admit here, that there have been a few times I have been at my wits end parenting an overly active and somewhat rebellious 3.5 year old little boy and some days when I think that I just can’t do it another second without losing it…I think of BG. I take a few deep breaths and tell myself, T and J would love to be dealing with, well, a shitty parenting day. Your precious boy reminds me, when I need it the most, to be present and to take in everything, even the shitty days.

    As always hugs and thoughts to you from one of those LGBT TTC people that have been along for the roller coaster ride.

  2. tbean

    This was a beautiful post. It pains me when I read a parenting blog and the parent seems so ungrateful (and ungracious) for the blessings in her life. Yes, some days are absolute shit and you count the minute to bedtime. They are for everyone. But even on those days, it would never occur to me to turn my frustration to the keyboard and say narcissistic and mean things about my children or how much my life sucks. Those people are suffering from a massive lack of perspective and a healthy dose of selfish, “the world revolves around me” ism and it is hard to take.

  3. chunkandmommy

    I too feel like this community is like no other….those of us who struggled to create just get it. Sure, raising a child is hard, at times, but it is a pure joy that is worth every pain of ttc. I too am pained when I read about passive parenting or not living life to its fullest. You are always in my thoughts T, and I hope you coninue to feel the love and support of this community.

  4. B

    I have had to remove a few formerly beloved blogs from my feed for this very reason. I’m always so grateful to come “home” to the safe support of my TTC sisters.

  5. Our children are so very desired and hard to come by that we must appreciate them more than those who come by them so much more easily. I am constantly in awe about how much I love being a Mummy and in the weeks following the loss of your beautiful boy, I held them just that little bit tighter.
    Thank you for reminding us just how lucky we are to have a tantrumming toddler in our house right now.

  6. This really resonates with me. I too find myself dismayed at how many people I know (online and in real life!) who seem proud that they use every moment of their day to get away from their children. I can only imagine how much more heartbreaking it would be to hear such things when you are grieving the loss of a child. I often think that my worst days now (those full of bedtime battles and tantrums) are my best days compared to my life before our daughter.

  7. I am so sad that I am late to this post and so glad that you wrote it. This parenting thing is sacred every day. It is hard, and fun, and wonderful, and mysterious, and shitty and sacred. Just sacred. Thank you for reminding me of that…

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