I want my boy back. This missing him is too much. I hate being without him.
There is a certain sense of betrayal I feel writing or thinking about another child. I always wanted another child, but now I’d give up all of that if I could have BG back in my arms. I would gladly have just one, and I find myself wondering how I can ever love another child as much as I loved him. I was crying about this once and closed my eyes to see my son telling me, “Don’t worry, Mommy.” I know I’ll love another child with all of my broken heart, but today I miss my son, the one I already had and already know, because it’s been too damn long since I’ve held him in my arms and heard his sweet laugh and kissed his beautiful face.