We decided to delay TTC this month. I wanted to be able to get a tattoo without worrying about a potential fetus, wanted to give blood, wanted a little more time to drink as much as I want. But I’m coming out of all that. I gave blood. The tattoo happens this week. I’m only  having wine once or twice a week, and even then I’m limiting it. Initially, it looked like we might have two attempts in July, which would have been pretty cool. We equated it to a blue moon month. It seemed magical. Now it looks like a regular month, but even so, I’m getting ready. I even wrote to the sperm bank to tell them about BG’s passing (they had so kindly gone out of their way to help us try to contact the donor when he got sick and had even checked up on us a couple of times), and they wrote such a kind reply offering any level of help me we may need with the process. Now it’s paperwork, a doctor’s appointment with a new OB/GYN, and hoping my very regular cycles mean I’m ready.

This time around, we have friends wanting to bless the vile of sperm. We have people ready to help us welcome BG’s little sibling into the world. It’s heartening to know this. I wish more than anything we were going to have that moment of our boy meeting his little brother or sister for the first time. It’s just another thing to mourn. When we went to a bereavement camp a couple of months ago, we met another two-mom family who had gone on to have two more children after their first died. They still hurt terribly for their first, but they had a life with their other two kids that seemed to bring them such joy. I know I looked at them longingly more than once. I just really want to be a mom again.

Anyway, no organized thoughts today, just updates, because I’ve been sitting here reading back through all these posts and all your beautiful comments, and I realized I missed my virtual front porch and my friends I get to see here.




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3 responses to “soon…

  1. Thinking nothing but good thoughts for you both. You are doing way better on your wine consumption than I am, so thanks for the motivation. I *really* have no excuse except that thinking about all of this stresses me out and wine calms me down. We’ll be doing our first insem late this month or early next month.

  2. tbean

    You are brave and resilient mamas. I’ll be pulling for you when the first try rolls around. If the universe is just, you will swiftly get pregnant and have an easy pregnancy and healthy baby that outlives you by many years. It wouldn’t make losing BG fair or right or hurt any less, but you are long overdue for a chance at things being easy.

  3. nothing but best wishes for you all in this journey…

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