Daily Archives: February 3, 2012

what do we do with this?

Our son has taken increasingly aggressive turns. He hits us, bites us, kicks, us, pinches us, and now he has started hitting and pushing other children at his little activities we attend with him (kindergym, moms’ group, etc.). I am horrified. Horrified. We’re really gentle people. We don’t play fight, play bite, etc. We praise positive, gentle touching, and lately have been removing BG from us when he begins to hit/bite/pinch.

Honestly, I’m heartbroken, and while this may seem excessive, overly dramatic, but I am. I have never in my life hit another person. Never. (And I even have two younger siblings.) I can’t believe I have a child who regularly attacks me and my wife, especially because he is also incredibly sweet and compassionate. The thought that he could be pegged as “The Bad Kid” once he goes to school, that he could be pigeonholed in that way, upsets me even more (haven’t we all seen this happen? Yeah. I’m not just being paranoid.)

And it’s not like this is behavior we have ever tolerated. He has had timeouts on his own. We have had “time-ins” with him. We have had him “do over.” We have praised his positive behavior. We have told him over and over “biting hurts!” “hitting hurts!” and so on. We have read him Teeth Are Not for Biting endlessly (he loves it!).  I have cried when he has hit/bit/pinched me. And yes, we have both yelled. I hate that we have yelled, but we have.

Today, when I told him biting makes me sad, he did it again to make me sad again. So he likes that power. Lesson learned. Granted, he also likes to comfort me, but I’m not keen on this kind of cycle.

I’m at a total loss. I know this is a lack of impulse control. I know he’s got some issues with fatigue. I even know that this is often normal two-year-old behavior. I know these things, but I don’t know where to go from here, how to find the gentle boy, how to get him to dominate and to get aggressive crazy boy to simmer down.

If you have good advice on this, good resources, please share. I’m going to be reading like I’m cramming for finals until I find the strategy that works . And please, if you have an encouraging story about a kid who hit/pinched/kicked/bit and who didn’t turn out to be a big bully/social outcast/serial killer, that would be cool too. Because he’s going to be normal-ish right?


Filed under behavior