when push comes to shove

My son has started pushing other children. He just isn’t around other kids enough to know how not to be an oaf. A mom from our mom’s group came over with her two kids today, and BG pushed them both multiple times. J and I were horrified. Where did he learn to do that? Why was he doing it? Fortunately, the mom was fine, as were the very easy-going kids, but really, where did this come from?

My theory is that he was tired and crabby and not ready for kids to come in and play with his toys, but even so, I am not really sure what to do about this. He is normally so loving. He’s typically the kid who walks up to another kid to give unwelcome hugs, not shoves.

I know he’s bumbling his way through being around other children, that he’s learning very slowly what it is to be a social creature, but it’s hard to see him do this, especially when we’re all trying to make friends. Please tell me this will pass, that there’s some sort of magic trick to give him social grace.



Filed under behavior, Boy Genius

3 responses to “when push comes to shove

  1. southwestergemini

    He’s learning about his body and strength. My 3-year-old has been in group care since he was just about 5 months and he still needs reminders about using gentle body movements, etc. Any potential mom friend should understand that and if not then you probably don’t want a friend who isn’t understanding. We just have to constantly reinforce the message to our kids and they’ll get it. This is all part of growing up.

  2. Well first, at least shoving is better than biting! 😉

    I’ve seen Curly shove other kids and it always embarrasses me, but it’s totally normal for 2 year olds. I find the best correction happens when he shoves me, like if he wants to pass me by in the kitchen. He’ll say ”cuse me” but then push me aside, at which point I make him stop and take hold of his shoulders and tell him that wasn’t nice, we don’t push. then I’ll make him repeat the whole scene…have him say ‘excuse me’ but without pushing me, but waiting for me to move instead.

    I think like everything else, it’s a behavior that warrants an immediate response and correction/time out to model the ‘better’ behavior.

  3. I know it’s hard when your kid does something like that but it’s totally normal, especially in their own house. I remember our son Erik getting really aggressive at that age if kids came to our house, but if we had playdates at other people’s houses, he was totally fine. They don’t want to share their stuff and they don’t understand why they have to. Our son Ian is 2 now and is sometimes rough also. We always acknowledge it by calmly saying, “We don’t push” (or if it’s hitting, “That hurts, we don’t hit”.)

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