I don’t necessarily believe in a higher power, but sometimes things do happen that make me wonder a little.
This application I mentioned yesterday is something I heard about maybe a month ago. I knew I needed to plan in advance to complete it, that I would need several days to get it done. Unfortunately, life and work have been such that I haven’t had any extra hours. Last weekend, I sat down with my wife, and we made a family schedule. It involved me leaving the house to work from a coffee shop a few days a week. It involved my wife having some paper grading time. And because we had our days planned so well, I was going to be able to fit some extra hours in all week long to pick away at this application.
And then my son got sick.
And then my wife got sick.
Monday came, and my wife came home from teaching looking sicker than she has in a long, long time. I knew she was down for the week. This meant that those little chunks of time I had planned for all week were gone. I would be on full-time BG duty, and any moment he slept, I would be trying to fit in my thirty hours of work for the week. Normally, this would actually not be so bad. He has been taking these dreamy two-hour naps for awhile now, and that allows me to at least put a dent in the work I have to do. But this week, with the cold, he gave up most of his naps. Instead, he would nap for half an hour, or he would fall asleep on our morning walk, and that would be his sole nap of the day (at 10:00 am, no less). This was all on top of trying to keep him still because the kid was so sick, yet he couldn’t manage to stop. By the time he went to bed at night, around 8:00, I would make sure my wife was settled snug on the sofa, and I would get to work. I have worked until midnight every night this week. BG has fortunately been sleeping through the night all week, but he still only sleeps until 5:30 or 6:00. It’s not been enough.
I melted down yesterday. It wasn’t pretty, but I just couldn’t believe that this was my life, that this application was hanging over my head, yet there was nothing I could do about. (Okay, I could have given up the blog, but the blog posts this week haven’t exactly been coherent, have they? They have, however, been good for me, so I don’t feel apologetic about it.) So I had an ugly moment.
Last night, I was working away at this thing, and the server for the application site went down. I took this as a sign it was time to go to bed, and I did. I told my wife I would need her to be on today, knowing I was asking a lot of her, as she is still sick, but she agreed and was very supportive. But then I had to take BG to the doctor today out of the blue (crazy diaper rash infection), and then he had a twenty-minute nap. My wife tried to keep him occupied, and I spent two hours writing and scrapping and rewriting and scrapping a teaching philosophy. Soon applications to two positions had been narrowed down to one application to one position–the one I had started first. And then BG’s nighttime routine took an hour longer than usual, and we had to eat dinner, and I melted down again, and it was 9:30. I found myself thinking, If only I could get an extension. And then, Sorry, T no more extensions. This is it.
I dried my tears, stopped feeling sorry for myself, apologized to my wife, thanked her for her help, and sent her to bed. I logged on to the application site dejected and stressed out and feeling like I couldn’t possibly get the rest of this done as tired as I feel.
And then I noticed something looked different about the HR homepage, which I was trying my best to navigate away from: