My birthday is this Thursday–the first of September. My gift to myself this month is going to be to blog every day. As inspiration, I have joined NaBloPoMo for September (yes, you can NaBloPoMo any month of the year!). I look forward to the challenge and to finding this personal space. I need this place to reflect right now.
BG had a successful time with his new babysitter today. He had moments of crying separated by periods of enjoying himself. We feel very strongly that he will soon find his groove with this pink-haired, sticker-toting college freshman. Perhaps the most humorous moment today happened at the end of the evening when she was preparing to go. Our boy wanted to give her a hug, so she picked him up. He then moved in for a kiss, so she quickly kissed him on the cheek. But BG was not satisfied. He was determined to have a kiss. He kept attempting to kiss her full on the lips, and she kept dodging him. We finally told her, “He wants to kiss you on the lips!” Her response, poor girl, was “Is that okay?” When we confirmed that it was, she kissed him, and our son stopped trying to make out with his babysitter. This girl is already rather shy and is clearly intimidated by us (I want to tell her that we’re really not that scary), and she really didn’t want to do something inappropriate, especially in front of us. I felt bad for her, but she did recover. I so hope she relaxes around us soon as we all rather like her.
Well, last week’s trial of leaving BG with someone went pretty well. He had a sweet little girl to play with and a very caring mom to help him out when he realized just how freaked out he was that J and I had left him alone with near-strangers. It seems his love of books saved him, for he very quickly turned around when our new friend read to him. By the time we picked him up, he was delighted to see us but in no hurry to leave. He and the little girl hugged and kissed and turned all of us moms to goo.
So my wife and I have now made a commitment to give babysitting a try. Our mom’s group is great for those emergencies when we need someone quick, but we knew it was time to find a babysitter–the sort I was as a kid–that reliable young adult you can call when you need a date or, when you need a standing appointment with your wife to dig yourselves out of the muck. We used an internet sitter matching site and found a girl in our neighborhood. She’s a student at the college where I used to teach, and she came over for an interview today. She was sweet, and while her experience is more with family and less with strangers’ kids, we felt pretty good about her–as good as we can about someone we don’t know. Tomorrow is her first trial. We hope like hell Boy Genius makes life easy on her and that she takes good care of him. Don’t think I’m not playing horror stories over and over in my head.
It has been really hard for J and I to trust anyone with our son. Because we have lived in this place where we don’t know much of anyone (and those we do know don’t really do babysitting), it just hasn’t been an option for us to leave him with people. My parents have come to visit from time to time, and we have left him with them for a short lunch or dinner date, but ultimately, our son’s care has been our sole responsibility. It’s tough, but this was our life.
Stepping into this now is challenging in some ways, yet we know it also benefits our son as much as it benefits us. It’s helping him become a little more independent, self-reliant, and even trusting of others. We want him to know that there are people out there who can care for him and meet many of his needs, and we want him to be able to learn from them and experience their different perspectives.
Now I just have to keep myself from writing her an instruction manual.
I’ve got writer’s block in so many ways it’s just sad. But I don’t want this blog to die. It’s been such a comfort to have this space. That I’m not using it is fairly symptomatic of most of my life right now. I’m in this space where I am having a hard time doing much of anything good for myself. For example, I’ve had this order for routine blood tests for a month now, and I can’t even get myself to do that. This is the sort of thing I’m usually on top of, but nope. I’m stuck, and I’m not quite sure how to dig my way out. Maybe blogging feels a little too naked right now, or maybe mommy blogging about all of my son’s latest achievements isn’t what I need.
J and I are having a woman we met through our mom’s group watch BG tomorrow. This will be his first time being watched by anyone but my mom–and we’ve only left him with her a few times for a few short hours. I’m a little terrified, but we need this time to find our way through some of our own muck. Perhaps doing that will free up some words for me.
I hope so. I really don’t like this space I’m in at all.
My poor neglected blog. I miss writing here, but my work has picked up, and I can’t seem to spend much more time on the computer. It is summer after all, and we need to be outside playing before my wife has to begin teaching.
We’re less than a month away from BG’s second birthday. He is beginning to show signs of what we are calling around here the “trying twos.” He now regularly flips out when being placed in his car seat, so much so that we have had to sit while he screams and writhes for up to fifteen minutes before relenting just enough to be strapped in (although not enough to stop crying or screaming usually). In these moments, J and I find ourselves wondering where our sweet son has gone. It’s more than a little terrifying to see this boy who has been so mellow begin to do this, but I understand it’s normal, and I’m sure we’ll find a way to manage. In the meantime, if you have any advice, we welcome it!
We are doing pretty well. Now that we’ve settled into our place, we are enjoying discovering what this city has to offer and have found much to enjoy! The greatest highlight recently was being invited to a mother’s group at a local birth center. We attended our first meeting last week, and it felt like we were walking into a room full of friends. It is largely a group of attachment-type parents who share many similar philosophies and parenting practices with us. Everyone was so welcoming, even though most of them have known each other for upwards of two years, and we feel like we may well have found a really lovely community. It’s something we’ve been so lonely for, so to walk in to a room like the one we entered last week was so positive.
I know there is more to share, but for now, I’m exhausted and just wanted to get something up here before another month goes by. Speaking of exhaustion, I have a sleep post I need to write–and so much more. I think I need to give myself a challenge–perhaps for September. It is my birthday month, BG’s birthday month, and the beginning of a new academic year after all. What better time to start anew?