forever seeking closure

Okay, that wasn’t supposed to happen at all. Nearly a week has gone by, and I haven’t blogged once. Not so much as a photo post or a meme. And during the month I vowed to blog every day–and then every other day. That’s just pathetic!

After I spent last week fighting a  little cold, it seems that Baby Genius has caught it as well. He started feeling sick on our way home from our visit last weekend. As a result, we had to miss our long-anticipated birth class reunion. I’m still sad about this. I have been communicating with one woman from the class since our babies were born, and this was going to be our chance to meet her son. It was also going to be our opportunity to thank our instructor, not only for the class but for her assistance during labor (she was one of our nurses). And of course, it was our opportunity to see all of the other babies who were making their mamas so uncomfortable last we saw them. Alas, there will be no cute reunion photo, no sharing of birth stories, no comparing of sleep patterns.

For some reason, I have clung to the idea of this reunion for a long time. I thought it would sort of serve as a final bit of closure to the pregnancy. It’s strange that I want that, even when I’ve got a seven-month-old BG clinging to me, trying to sprout his first tooth, but I guess I do and I’m sad not to get it. I don’t miss pregnancy nearly as much as I did after he was first born, but I still find myself missing it a bit. Being around my sister-in-law this weekend gave me a few nostalgic pangs for the kicks I used to feel and for the firm roundness that was my belly. There’s something so very magical about it all. It’s no secret that I loved it.

It’s funny how long the signs of pregnancy, the after-effects, stick around. I don’t think I felt fully healed until six months out. I still have the occasional pubic bone pain, but even that is mostly gone, and I’m starting to get some muscle tone back. My body has slowly been making its way back to normal. I’m even losing my hair. Oh, am I losing my hair. It’s hard to believe how much hair the body hangs onto while pregnant. The hair loss I could do without.

Most of these final stages, I have seen pass with a little wistfulness (one exception being the return of my period at just over two months postpartum–a scarce two weeks after I stopped bleeding; my reaction was less wistful and more  full-blown tantrum). But maybe I’m getting my final closure by way of the return of my body. It’s not quite in its original state. I’m about thirty-five pounds lighter than I was before I got pregnant, a little more stretched out, a lot more fatigued, but I’m just one person again, and there’s something pretty great–even magical–about that too.

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3 Comments

Filed under Baby Genius, birth class, post partum, Pregnancy

3 responses to “forever seeking closure

  1. i know all of these feelings so well.

    this go round, i’m present tense nostalgic.

    you’re a lovely one person, friend. x

  2. poppycat

    Well that sucks. Maybe there can be more reunions? I know some classes get together a few times after birth.

    I guess I never thought about missing pregnancy once it was over. I didn’t realize those feelings would come and it’s interesting to think about, interesting to wonder how I will feel about it once it’s over.

  3. nutella

    Sorry you couldn’t make it to the reunion. And I know what you mean about the body and emotions recovering. I was always told 9 months in, 9 months out. And that has held fairly true for me. At almost a year out and after dieting, I am back to my pre-baby body for the most part.

    I hated nearly all of my pregnancy, and it’s awfully hard for me to feel any sort of joy or pride about my birth experience. As much as I don’t want another kid, I sometimes get wistful thinking that I’d like another try at birth.

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