I am back at work this week. This simply means I’m on the computer at home, but it’s work nonetheless. The upside of this is that I get to blog when I have quiet moments. Of course, the downside is that even though I’m home, I’m not available, and that is oddly hard.
Last semester, I put in my hours, but my productivity was for shit. I would start working and then feed BG and then get distracted and on and on. This was largely because I worked from the living room (don’t ask me why–I just don’t know). Now we have set me up in the office/nursery, and when I go to work, it’s as though I am leaving the house. So far, it’s a hard adjustment for all of us. My work this semester is primarily live, meaning I am online assisting students in real time (last semester it was entirely asynchronous–that is, I was just responding to writing that students submitted).
This is such a shift in how I have to behave and think. I’m used to being able to pick up the Baby Genius for a snuggle at least, but now that would mean leaving a student waiting for a reply (which obviously I cannot do). If he is crying, I can’t offer to help, and that slays me. I think I’ll have to start plugging some ear buds into my computer and going under so that I can’t hear him. It’s crazy how hard it is to concentrate, even when he’s just fussing.
On the other hand, I’m grateful for a little mental stimulus. While I love all of the time I have with my boy, I crave intellectual excercise, and at work, I do get that. Of course, my intellect has taken quite a blow with the latest round of sleep deprivation. I am having the hardest time accessing the simplest words–a huge problem in my line of work. Explaining things like how to document sources or how to avoid dangling modifiers is akin to mental bench presses right now. I just hope that my mind isn’t gone for good!
This is good for all of us. It’s good for my wife to have time with BG where I’m not constantly interjecting my help, and it’s good for BG to look to his mama for his comfort and not just fun and entertainment (although she’s really good at that too). It’s good for us to have a little time apart as well, even if we are just a room away.
I can’t imagine what life is going to be like soon when J has to leave the house for work and when I go back to teaching. We’re hoping for minimal time in daycare for BG, but the thought of leaving him at all right now is still so hard, and I am so grateful that for now, we get to be home with our boy, that I get to have a job that keeps me here.