I haven’t been writing nearly as much as I want to lately. Part of that is a time issue, but part of it is bigger than that because frankly there is a lot going on here, yet I’ve been hesitant to put it out there into the ether for all to read.
Things aren’t going so well around here. J and I are struggling. It seems that having a baby has exposed some pretty big cracks in the foundation of our marriage. We have been bickering constantly, and at least once a week, we have an argument that lands one or both of us in tears. Our marriage has hit a crisis point, and we’re both terrified and hurt and angry–but mostly we’re both really fucking sad. I’m so sad that the first few months of our son’s life are being colored by this ugliness. I’m devastated that the family I wanted so badly to build is on such precarious ground. But really, I miss my wife and the happiness we had just a few short months ago.
I don’t know what we did wrong once BG arrived, but I want a do-over. I want to go back and do it right so that the three of us can simply enjoy learning to be a family together. But we don’t have any means of time travel.
A major earthquake hit our old hometown a few days ago. It’s good we weren’t there, but we’ve got our own damage to assess, our own seismic activity from which to recover. Please keep us in your thoughts as we do so.