and every last ounce of heartache dissolves

Today I had my first big outing without my family. I drove to a neighboring town to do a little shopping (a big, exciting trip to Trad.erJoe’s), and I was gone for over two hours, all by myself. I have made little trips out to the market since the baby was born, but I haven’t done anything like this since early  in my pregnancy.

It was nice to be out and about knowing my son was safe and sound with his mama, and it was lovely to see that I can still be a little autonomous from time to time.

But I did miss my little family.

When I came home and walked in with my bags, I was going to run back down to the car for the rest; however, I had to peek into our room where J was in the midst of telling Baby Genius that I was home. I told her I would be right back, that I needed to run to the car again. “No,” she said. “You’re going to come in here, and I’m going to the car.”

So I walked into our bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed, and leaned over my son, who was propped up on his B.oppy. He saw me and began to smile. I then kicked off my shoes, crawled up onto the bed, picked him up and cradled him in my arms. He began cooing nd babbling and smiling and just staring into my eyes. He did this for so long, as if to tell me he had missed me, that he had had a good time, that he was glad I was home.

I sat there, holding my son, listening to him babble, and I smiled, tears streaming down my face, and told him how much I love him.

For so long, I imagined what it would be like to have a child who would light up when I came home. I would imagine what this might feel like, and today, I got to feel it.  I can’t believe I get to live that fantasy now. I can’t believe I get to be this beautiful boy’s mom.

I want this joy for every last one of you out there.


Filed under Baby Genius

6 responses to “and every last ounce of heartache dissolves

  1. Jen

    This post made me tear up…such a beautiful life. I can’t wait to be in your shoes and experience the joy that you feel.

  2. What a beautiful post. I love that you’re HERE and getting to chronicle the wonderfulness.

  3. [tear] what a wonderful, wonderful post!

  4. That’s awesome! I can’t wait to feel that one day.

  5. gypsygrrl

    ohh man T…thanks for the tears!!! 😛
    what a sweet reunion for you and your little baby boy (er…big baby boy) and how sweet of him to tell you about his time with J and how he missed you and was glad you had a good outing!

    this is one of those things i worry abotu missing when i say i am not going to have kids… that kind of wild trust/love they have for the mama… now my heart is all stirred up thinking if i really want to give up the potential…

    love to you and J and BG 🙂

  6. poppycat

    So beautiful. You deserve those precious moments mama.

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