a rebel in maternity wear

I am feeling more than a little defeated. We just got back from today’s midwife appointment. We saw a different midwife–one we met and liked a couple of months ago. She’s a lovely person, but we’re learning she’s much more mainstream obstetrics than midwife.

Because we hadn’t seen her in awhile, she scanned my chart and quickly found the note the OB had written about suggesting induction at 38 weeks. She saw that it was likely because of the baby’s size, and she also saw the note from the other midwife stating that we wanted to wait. I told her that I wanted to avoid the downward spiral that is so often a pitocin-induced labor, and her response was that while she felt the same way when she had children, as a professional, she sees things differently. Ugh. Here we go again, I thought.

After measuring me and listening to Egghead’s heart, she concluded that we’re both still in great health. Then there was this throwaway comment–that since we’re both in good health, there is no medical reason for induction. It’s just that he’s big. Yes, he’s big. She made sure we knew that in another week he could grow half a pound or pound, and then when I asked when, in her opinion, we should really consider induction, she said, “Now.”

What. the. fuck?

At that point, she was ready to leave. No internal exam, just “Unless you have any other questions, we’ll see you in a week.” I asked if she had planned to do an internal exam–hell, they had already made me undress for it–so she did, and her news was even less encouraging. She thinks I might be one centimeter dilated, but the baby’s head isn’t far down at all, and she left me with the impression that no progress has been made whatsoever and that the only way this baby is coming out is through induction.

I would like to reintroduce one small piece of information: My due date is still eight days away. Eight days. They’re acting like I”m a month overdue with a fifteen pound child, and while Egghead is no waif, he’s likely at this point just barely nine pounds, and that is if we are to trust the ultrasounds, and of course, we’ve all heard the multitudes of stories of ultrasound weight predictions being more than a little off.

I’m livid and defeated, and I have only been able to stop crying for moments at a time since we left. I’m still not scheduling an induction, but I did schedule an appointment with the OB for next  Tuesday morning. I’m sick of so many mixed messages. The midwife we’ve been seeing most recently has been so positive and encouraging, and that is what we need right now. Instead, today, we have this midwife who seems just as fearful and controlling and by the book as any OB would be. It feels like they’ve got these sets of equations, and they’re just plugging my pregnancy into them without looking at me. Somehow, I’m not part of the equation. I don’t matter. All that matters is getting the baby out as simply as possible. I hate being treated like this; it’s so far from what I ever wanted, and I’m so tired of fighting.

To top things off, I’ve been fighting a cold for a couple of days. Why? Why?

I guess I respond best to things like this through action, so my next action is to try to get Egghead to do some dropping. As painful as it is on my pubic bone to do much walking, we’ll be walking as much as I can. I’m going to sit and bounce on the damn yoga ball throughout each day, and I’m starting a regimen of evening primrose oil. I just can’t sit around feeling defeated, feeling like yet another victim of our country’s broken obstetric system. I can’t do it. I want our son to come, but I want him to come naturally. I want to be allowed to trust my own body. Why is that such a crime? Why does this make me some kind of rebel?

I’ve also just got to escape some of the pressure to have this baby as soon as possible. I’m not a fast person. I don’t do things on other people’s timetables, and I don’t deal well with external pressure. The calls from my family, while sweet, are not helping any more than the pressure from the OB. I need to find my center, my power, my strength again. I need to remember that this is something I can do.

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14 Comments

Filed under Egghead, midwife, OB, the P word

14 responses to “a rebel in maternity wear

  1. That is so infuriating! I can’t believe the midwife was giving you so much pressure to induce. You are 100% right to hold your ground. The baby is not late and he might be on the large side, but plenty of people have given birth to much larger babies without induction (like my mom! she had me at home with a midwife and I was over 9.5 pounds!). I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.
    xo

  2. Joy

    Sorry you’re appointment and your midwife’s comments upset you so much. It sounds like you have a plan on how to spend the next week. There are many non-medical things you can do to encourage labor, including walking and EPO. If you want more info about any of them feel free to email me and I can send you the doc I give my clients/students. Please rest and take care of yourself to get over the cold.

  3. Grrrrr. You would imagine that the midwife would be MORE understanding since she is a mother. And I hate hate hate the way she was so cold and distant about the whole thing. Good for you for standing your ground! It is just weird that most doctor’s offices want to treat pregnant women as though they are sick and needing treatment for a thing that women in other countries do AT HOME and with better infant birth rates.

    Do what you can to relax and de-stress… you are right that your path is just perfect as YOU and Egghead have charted it. Perhaps a foot rub from your sweetie is in order?

  4. luckylittle13

    I’m delurking because this made me angry. I can’t believe a midwife used fear to coerce you into an induction. Most women can deliver “big” babies. I was 9lbs 7 oz. My sister, 10lbs 2oz. My mother is tall but a wisp of a thing. And why on earth would they want you to induce when you have a cold and are worn down from that. Could you imagine having to limit contact with your newborn for risk of giving him a cold? Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your little family. Best of luck in this next week. I hope you can relax and enjoy these last few days of your pregnancy.

  5. They guessed lj would be 9.5 pounds. She was a scant 6lbs7oz. Trust your body and your intuition.

  6. I’m sorry you’re feeling so much pressure. I’m a bit surprised at the midwives…I mean, they’re supposed to be advocates for natural births. If that’s what you want, they should respect it and deal with any problems if and when they arise. You’re right…it’s not like you’re even overdue yet.

    We remember those last few days of constant phone calls and thinly veiled “check up” emails and stuff. And then he was a week late. We just wanted to run away to a cave or something to avoid it all!

  7. Hmmm. Hold your ground. Unnecessary pitocin is an ugly thing. Though I’m glad my membranes were stripped three days before my due date. My friend Nelly was pissed when she heard that. She considered it an unnecessary induction. I’m glad he came when he did because he was on the large side @ 9 lbs, 3 oz.

    Your little egg will come when he’s ready to hatch. And I hope that happens on your terms and naturally.

    Do some squats. Lots and lots of squats. Though that might hurt your p-bone too much.

    Hells bells. Just. Just. Just keep the pitocin pushers away from you and enjoy some quiet time with your honey.

    OOOOXXXX, ohm

  8. UGH!!! Babies have been coming on their own time for ever!! We aren’t supposed to schedule the birth. And as you said, the baby may not be that big at all and if he is, you’ll be fine. Our bodies are meant for this. Good for you!

  9. poppycat

    Oh damn it T! I’m sorry you are still fighting this battle but you keep doing what’s best for you and insisting that others respect your decision. Being a medical provider at a birth should be about helping, supporting and offering advice until a time that more is needed. We are all behind you supporting you, I hope you can feel that.

    I meant to send you a little birthday message yesterday but my day went to crap and I couldn’t so HAPPY BIRTHDAY T!!!

  10. lyn

    So frustrating. It is so hard to fend off those doubts when you feel so pressured, even when you know you’re doing the right thing. Those passive aggressive comments…ugh. Crossing fingers for the good midwife at the birth.

  11. stand your ground…cry the tears of frustration and then leave it all go…your boy will start his plan of arrival when he is good and ready…

    hugs to you and J,
    gypsy

  12. Elsha Quinn

    Sorry you’re already getting the “big baby” scares. I know it feels comforting to know that egghead is making early progress towards labor, but just try to remember that all of that can change in a matter of days or even hours. So just because you haven’t made any dilation progress since your last exam, that IN NO WAY means your body won’t do what it needs to do when egghead is ready to come out.

    Keep trusting your body, and your knowledge, and don’t let them wear you down. I know you’ll do what’s best for you and your family. 🙂

    (Once again, I have to recommend Nursing Birth and her blogroll, especially if you need birth inspiration.)

  13. Yes! This is something you can do and something your body knows how to do. Good for you for standing your ground and shame on that midwife fot recommending an induction for a non-medical reason (and before your due date!). The “big baby” scare tactic annoys me to no end.

    Oh, and I agree that Nursing Birth is very empowering. It gave me such strength in my second week overdue.

  14. You can do this and you will find a way that is right for you. No matter what egghead will make his way into this world and into your arms.

    Best of luck, with the squats, walking and EPO.

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