musings

I’m sitting here eating grapes from the biggest most perfect bunch of red grapes I’ve ever seen. Believe it or not, this is my first taste of local grapes (that aren’t fermented, bottled, and aged). I don’t know how I made it through last year living amongst hundreds of vineyards without eating local grapes, but this year, I have vowed to have many. If my wife would only fan me with palm fronds and feed them to me, I might then feel like a true fertility goddess.

~~~

When we attended our special, lesbians-only childbirth class session on Wednesday, our instructor asked why we were delivering at the hospital we had chosen. Both of us looked blankly at one another and told her we thought that was where our OB/midwife practice delivered. No, she assured us, that is their backup location for those whose insurance will not cover the big, new, fancy hospital where she works–the one with big rooms with windows overlooking a garden and showers in the rooms. Our state insurance will cover us anywhere. We’re now taking a tour of the big, fancy hospital in a week.

~~~

My pubic bone pain has reached an all-time high. It hurts for me to turn over in bed, put on my pants, and so much more. After a long break from yoga, I did a 40-minute session yesterday only to put myself in more pain, so much pain that I now need an icepack between my legs. It’s looking like I’m developing something called symphysis pubis dysfunction despite my doc’s claim that this is all the normal stretching of ligaments. It may be time to find a chiropractor.

~~~

After months of no strangers acknowledging my pregnancy (something about which I am decidedly not complaining), I now cannot leave the house without hearing the standard series of questions: When are you due? Do you know what you’re having? Are you ready? The readiness question always throws me a little. I want to be honest and say, “No, actually, I’ve got a trillion things to do and not enough hours in the day to complete them,” but instead I reply, “Mostly.” One woman at farmer’s market on Tuesday night looked at me and said, “Wow! How are you doing? You look like you’re just about ready!” I think I’m starting to notice a little bit of nervousness in people’s voices, like they might be fingering their phones just in case I decide to squat in front of them and have this baby RIGHT NOW.  Is it wrong that my first instinct when I see these people is to stop, grasp my belly, close my eyes, and breathe deeply?

~~~

Cindy asked the following of us a few days ago: What are you both 1- most excited about and 2- most worried about (in terms of actually being moms to egghead). I have been thinking about these two extremes a lot lately, perhaps because I vacillate between them so often. I think I’m most excited to get to know this little boy, to see who he brings out in us, to see what kind of family he helps us create. I’m looking forward to loving him bigger than I know, seeing the world through his eyes, and, mostly, just cuddling him and feeling him and seeing him in the flesh. In terms of worries, I’m probably most worried about the changes that J and I will go through, worried that we’ll miss our old life, worried that somehow we’ll screw him up, or that I’ll smother him and be overprotective, but those worries aren’t overwhelming.

My wife is most excited about discovering the world through our son’s eyes. She says, however, that she’s not worried, that she can’t possibly go into this feeling fear. While she says that she has the general fear of whether or not she will be good at this, she simply isn’t worried. I love this about her, and I believe her.

~~~

The doula-in-training whom we were to meet this weekend had to back out because she has to go back home to Washington sooner than she thought. We’re a little bummed, but she’s passing word along to other doulas-in-training so that we might find someone else. So far, we have heard from one who is also a massage therapist and who happens to write chants and songs for people in life-changing situations. We’ll arrange to meet her. I think it might be quite interesting indeed to have a singing doula.

~~~

My wife is about to make me an iced, decaf espresso, and I may cry from gratitude. Maybe she’ll pull out those palm fronds after all.

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9 Comments

Filed under Pregnancy, Ramblings

9 responses to “musings

  1. so so so sorry about the pain, OUCH
    but really excited that you guys get to birth in a swank hospital!! wooooo!
    You guys are going to be amazing Moms. I can’t wait!!
    I can’t believe how close ya’ll are getting. It’s getting time for you to e-mail me your mailing address 😉

  2. Okay, I am now *craving* grapes big time! 🙂

    Yay about the new hospital! Sounds great…

    Enjoy your weekend, and your iced decaf espresso :0)

  3. “Is it wrong that my first instinct when I see these people is to stop, grasp my belly, close my eyes, and breathe deeply?”

    Not at all, not at all.

    The missus’ due date was yesterday and all week we’ve gotten a really perverse pleasure when people have asked “When are you due?” and are horrified to hear it was Friday. Yesterday she scored a free chocolate truffle at one of our favorite chocolate stores that we happened to stop into.

    Am I bad to admit I can hardly wait for some unsuspecting person to ask today so we can say yesterday? I figure we’re due that slight enjoyment of someone else’s discomfort.

  4. gypsygrrl

    been thinking of you both a lot, and i wonder if egghead will have arrived by the time “gypsy, RN” arrives (after i take/pass the nursing boards) cuz thats about when i will be hoping to take them.

    you guys are amazing and will be great moms ` egghead is a luckyboy and you are lucky moms who will learn as much from him as he will from you 🙂

    lots of love…
    (and i am craving grapes now, thanks to you!)

    xoxo,
    gypsy

  5. such a newsy post! glad that you are getting a look at the new hospital, but sorry about your pubic bone pain. hopefully some of the alternative you mentioned will bring you some relief.

    as for your fibroids news, what a relief! i hope you have a safe delivery and that it goes just as you & egghead need and want.

    finally, i think the coffee, grapes and fronds treatment sounds just about right for almost 35 weeks pregnant. especially when it’s august!

    take care.

  6. nutella

    I hear you on the SPD, it’s awful. I had it during my pregnancy and even under chiropractic care it was bad. The chiropractic did do wonders for my hips and lower back and I highly recommend it. The great news is that my SPD vanished after birth. Hang in there! Those grapes and iced latte sound heavenly.

  7. poppycat

    I am dying to hear a recap of you faking labor in line at the market. It could be so much fun!

    Sorry you are having so much pain. That must make these last few weeks seem unbearably long.

    I know you two will be mamazing moms and I’m glad you know it too. You have so much love for each other and I know, as soon as he gets here, that love for him and each other will grow as fast as he does.

    Enjoy your tasty treat!

  8. alimis

    Glad you found out that you could deliever in the newer hospital. It sounds like it will be a bit more comfortable with the in-room shower.
    Also, very interseting about the new doula. Hope she works out perfectly for you both.
    -Peony

  9. I second what Martha and Poppy said! Can’t wait to hear about the reactions people have! Why it is people feel like they have to comment when they believe you are pregnant? I have actually had it happen twice in my life and I wasn’t even pregnant (just a bit round in the middle)… Of course both times the women were TOTALLY embarrassed when I said I wasn’t. Bet they haven’t made that mistake again!

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