belly shots and body image

I’m not sure why it has taken me so long to share belly shots openly. I have been taking them all along, as evidenced on the Egghead page, but I couldn’t seem to post them.

I have to be honest: as a plus-sized woman, I had some rather vain moments worrying about what my pregnant shape would be, thinking I’d never escape that B-shaped belly or thinking I would simply never look pregnant, just fatter. I have battled weight issues most of my life, and while I had lost a bit of weight in recent years to make myself healthier for pregnancy, I’m still a plus-sized girl.

Pregnancy brings up all kinds of unusual body image issues, but oddly enough, I kind of like my pregnant body. I like my belly and its definite C shape. Somehow, I feel like I got lucky, and I guess I did since I like my shape, but it saddens me that in my mind there was just one pregnant ideal because there isn’t. Pregnant bodies are beautiful; they simply are.

Still, I hate that body image issues can follow one into this sacred time. I get so angry with msyelf for hating the enormity of my breasts or for too closely critiquing my arms or thighs, and yet I still do it. J recently took a photo of me fresh out of the shower, and I nearly cried looking at it. All I could see was this large naked woman, and all she saw was an embodiment of a fertility goddess. I didn’t see a pregnant woman at all, and I wanted that photo gone. I saved it though because there is some beauty in it. I often have to do this: I have to stop myself from erasing images that show me who I am, what I look like because it isn’t healthy, and I know this. I don’t want to pass these sorts of behaviors on to my children, but just as important, I don’t want to continue harboring these occasional feelings of self-loathing simply because I don’t fit some “ideal” of what a woman, pregnant or otherwise, should look like.

It should come as no surprise that I’m oddly proud that I haven’t gained any weight during my pregnancy. In fact, I have lost two pounds. This has not been intentional; it just seems to be how my body handles pregnancy. What I am more proud of, though, is that my old food issues haven’t been issues at all. I generally eat what I want to eat and when I want to eat. The key is that I eat real foods, healthy foods all the time. I have an occasional ice cream indulgence, and we had some evil kettle chips in our house last week (something we indulge in maybe three times a year), but otherwise, I am eating very well (and exercising regularly), and am just amazed that my body is taking in these nutrients, feeding my baby, growing my belly and breasts–while at the same time shrinking my ass. I find myself marveling at this body that is so familiar in some ways and so unfamiliar in others. This same body I have battled with for years is now a body I love, and I’m looking forward to the changes it will undergo in the next few months.

Following the birth of our son, I’m sure to encounter a whole new set of challenges and revelations involving body image, but I’m looking forward to it. For me, pregnancy feels like a fresh start on this body and my feelings about it; I just hope to keep this up.

And without further ado,  here are my 22-week belly shots (also posted on the Egghead page):

22 weeks

IMG_2423

Advertisements

19 Comments

Filed under belly, body image, the P word

19 responses to “belly shots and body image

  1. You look marvelous! I love belly shots and yours are beautiful!

  2. cindyhoo2

    beautiful. I can totally relate to that inner dialogue.

  3. J

    That is a beautiful belly! I am feeling a lot of the same emotions as you. I am worried I will never look pregnant.

  4. tbean

    You look fantastic!

  5. B

    What a beautiful belly shot!

  6. A.

    You look absolutely beautiful. Thanks for putting yourself out there.

  7. I could have written this post myself. Body image is so hard. But your belly looks amazing and there is no doubt that you are pregnant. I too am going to try to use pregnancy as a fresh start with body image…. in many ways it has worked because it is easier to love a body that is doing such amazing things.

  8. G

    What a great belly shot! It brought a smile to my face. I often have that same inner dialogue and have also found some comfort/ease with my body during this pregnancy– it feels good.

  9. Ack, I thought I posted yesterday…looks like my computer ate it. Anywho, you look beautiful!!!

  10. poppycat

    You look beautiful and I am thrilled that for the most part you are able to see it too.

  11. It is a beautiful belly! I LOVED my pregnant body, and enjoyed it fully. The after is harder for me, but I’m getting there. It is all a process, isn’t it?

  12. nutella

    You look wonderful, and your body is doing an amazing thing.

  13. Hi-

    I found your blog through some others I’ve been following. Your belly shots are great. I really appreciate your post on body image too. I’m still in the TTC stage of the game, and my partner asked me recently if she could take belly shots of me if I ever do get pregnant. My immediate reaction was to tell her no. I’m so self conscious about my weight now that I rarely let people take pictures of me. I worry that if I ever do get pregnant, I’ll just look fat, and won’t have that lovely bump. It’s reassuring to hear that I’m not the only one who has these vain moments, even though I know I shouldn’t.

  14. Beautiful baby belly! Like others, I know how hard those body image struggles can be, but it sounds like you have a good perspective on it.

  15. Jodi

    See! I told you! Now do you believe me? I love you my pretty, pregnant, wife.

  16. Amy

    That is such a cute baby bump! You are looking great chica

  17. I’m glad you posted the belly shots – you do look beautiful.

  18. Boo

    Just found your blog and I really enjoyed reading such a thoughtful and honest post. And of course, I think you look fantastic!

  19. your belly is gorgeous girl!!
    man, your body is doing some kick-ass good work….
    building a baby AND losing weight!!
    wow! why couldn’t i have been that lucky!?

    ps. ALL women have body issues, so it’s only natural you’d have them in preggoland as well, but you have an awesome outlook, as always.

    the changes a body goes through are AMAZING….it seriously is the coolest thing!!! i can’t wait to keep following the changes….thanks for sharing this part of your life with us!

    you look fantastic!!!!!!! xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s