It has happened. I have become one of those bloggers who cannot seem to write now that she’s somehow miraculously made it to the other side of TTC. My blogs consist of updates on pregnancy matters and little else. I’m so boring. Unfortunately, I am not just boring in blogland. My wife mentions once in awhile that she feels she has lost me to napland. At some point in the day, some days earlier than others, I collapse on the sofa or in bed, and I sleep for hours. I am utterly useless. No wonder she misses me. The cats, on the other hand, are loving this.
Now for more boring. Here are the things that are keeping me up at night:
- Neither J nor I were ever given classes for this semester, so I’m working part-time from home right now, and in some ways it’s a good thing. I cannot imagine entertaining thirty people who hate writing while feeling so exhausted. I fear I would have been as apathetic as they are. However, this also means that my income has been cut in half, and J’s income has been cut by 100%.
- Living in the Bay Area, this income might as well be nothing. J is feverishly job-hunting, trying to land something that will provide us with insurance so that we aren’t without. For now, we still have health insurance through J’s last teaching gig–until the paychecks stop. That won’t be long now. While my OB appointments and labs thus far have been covered, they won’t be after this month, and this is more than a little scary. We do have backup plans: California has a great, privately-funded program for middle-income pregnant women who can’t get affordable health insurance. If J can’t find a full-time position with benefits, then we’ll have access to that, and it seems that my clinic honors this program, so that is helpful.
- One unfortunate scenario that could occur, however, is that J could be offered a job with benefits only to find that those benefits are limited to a really fucked up HMO (Ka.iser) to which we refuse to entrust our lives (they are solely to blame for the death of her father). In this case, I would not have access to the cool California program, nor to my clinic, nor to any kind of freedom regarding prenatal care or birth. A midwife may or may not be out of the question depending on income (we would have to pay out of pocket). The birth center we hoped to use would certainly be out of the question at $5000 out of pocket.
- We really need to move. We just learned that one of our neighbors was evicted for complaining a few times about a noxious odor in her apartment, about which the owners refuesed to do anything (yes, she sued for wrongful eviction). The people who own this apartment complex are crooked. They have been known to deny maintenance in hopes of keeping security deposits. We have the law on our sides, but we don’t have the money to afford attorneys. It’s a great apartment, but we need to get the hell out of here. Besides, living in a house would be far preferable once we have a baby anyway. We could use the space, and we could certainly use the privacy.
- We really need a more reliable car. The two we have are on their last legs. That simply isn’t acceptable. This all depends, of course, on gainful employment. And so the cycle continues.
- Some seem to think that since we have master’s degrees that finding employment should be a cinch. Were I naive and much younger, I might think the same. However, those who haven’t spent their lives in academia are also unaware that few employers really give a shit about how many students we’ve taught to write if we don’t have ten years of copyediting or technical/grant/business writing experience. When it comes to being payed what we’re worth, we’re screwed.
Oh, it’s all annoying, but it’s going to be fine. It is. It really is. (Right? Right?!) If nothing else, we will piece together part-time gigs as we always have. I just can’t panic. I want to, but I can’t.
So perhaps this is why I haven’t been writing. I’m spewing–and whining–and complaining, but I’m not writing anything worth saying. See, blog silence is a good thing.