I often wish I could adopt my cats’ behaviors and not seem like some sort of lunatic in the process. Hissing, for example, is a wonderful expression. Our cats do it when they see other cats they dislike. They do it when one of their siblings is pissing them off. They sometimes do it to one of us if they don’t particularly appreciate the claw clippers we have in our hands or the bath we’re trying to put them into. But hissing and other cat behaviors don’t flatter humans. J had a student once who meowed and hissed. She meowed when J would call attendance. She would hiss when she didn’t like a grade she earned. And through all of that, she shattered the hope I held for making cat-like hissing an acceptable human expression. She was just too fucking weird.

So today, I am left with a very human sigh, a furrowed brow, and a generally grumpy countenance. My 4am test was negative. At least I had J and this guy to snuggle with me and soften the blow. 


The crimson tides still haven’t arrived, but I’m sure they aren’t far away. Upon their arrival, we’ll call the bank, place our order, and we’ll hopefully be sperming up before my mom comes for a quick pre-holiday visit. While Mom is hip to everything, she’s also particularly awkward about the means by which we are attempting to grow her next grandbaby.

But honestly, I’m okay. J mentioned this morning that we hadn’t had time to process all of this, and she was concerned about me, but I’m at a point now that I would rather move on with finishing the grading, pulling out holiday decorations, and sampling one of our most recent wine finds. To me, these are far more appealing than crying. Besides, I’m good at negatives. I’ve had ten of them already. I would rather expel a spitty cat hiss than cry over any more of these because the hiss is efficient: it’s much quicker than the talking and the sadness and the crying.

So this time, when/if you comment, there’s no need for the usual apologies and empathy. I know the sentiment is there; I feel it from you all, and I appreciate it so. But honestly, I would rather see some amusing stories–perhaps your favorite pet story, perhaps an amusing holiday tale, or perhaps just a dirty joke.

Or, you can join me in a good long hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.


Filed under cats, coping, negatives

16 responses to “hhhhisssssssss

  1. tbean

    My cat likes to tunnel through the sheets. She pounced from the floor and then dives up underneath the comforter. Then she army crawls around under the comforter and you can see a cat-sized tunnel where she has been. She loves loves loves our bed. In the morning, if she is sleeping there, we just make the bed with her in it. One time we pulled the comforter over her and she stayed there for hours.


  2. what about a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  3. hissssssssssssssing along with you girl.

  4. The Smiths “Ask” came on the iPod shuffle today and I smiled and thought of you:)

    The Monster (aka: Cadeau du Tigre) has a favorite place and it’s under the comforter. He regularly sleeps there all day long and all you see is this lump. I can see where this is preferred in the winter, but the heat of the summer?? He’s a weirdo, but my how we love him.

    BooBooBunny loves tortilla chips, crackers, basically he’s a carb-whore and knows immediately if the humans are eating these delicious treat and he MUST have one. So, I stick a small morsel between my lips and he takes it out of my mouth.
    That’s right, I kiss my cat. Over and Over.

  5. Our older kitty is very, very grumpy but she can also be loving if you catch her in the right mood. Sometimes she’s both at the same time. When she’s hard-core begging for a treat which she’s taken to doing every single time we’re in the kitchen lately, she tries to put on her most affable front but sometimes she has to force it. We take advantage of this behavior and pick her up and sometimes if she’s just been faking the kindness she’ll actually hiss/growl and purr at the same time. It’s hilarious.

  6. jay

    the other day, during nablopomo, i was stuck for something to post when i saw one of our cats outside the kitchen window meowing to be let in. he has the most brilliantly INDIGNANT expression when he wants in, so i rushed to get the camera, aiming to take a photo like the one you did of peeping tom cat. many attempts later, i realised i was not going to capture his indignity, and was probably bordering on being an accidental cat torturer.

    so, i let the poor soul in and took photos of vee making muesli instead. pah!

    will that do? it’s true!

  7. cindyhoo2

    My cat, Mensa, was exceedingly well-bred (read completely crazy) and she did not enjoy the new house after HJ and I moved. In the new house, she would run circles at top speed then would take a flying leap to the ledge above the window where she would mew loudly at us until we got a ladder to help her down. Then she would repeat the process. We finally gave her to a friend and the behavior completely stopped and she became her happy self. Talk about a diva!!

    In terms of what you guys are going through: wine is good! 😉

  8. I’m a dog person (even if our dog is very cat-like at times), so I’ll leave you with a dirty joke.

    One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.

    When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe’s throne.

    The chief then said “All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me.”

    So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The chief then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

    Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The chief soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing hard for no apparant reason, and was killed.

    The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, “Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you’d have gotten away!”

    The second guy answered while still laughing, “I couldn’t help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples.”

  9. first, here is a photo of our cat who looks a lot like yours:

    second, the other day, jude was snoozing on our bed (she cannot fall off…no worries there), but after a while i heard her familiar happy squeal/scream. i scurried upstairs to get her up, only to find her being snuggled by our cat, claira. claira was trying to curl up on jude’s blanket, and jude, meanwhile, had a drooly face full of cat hair. her hands were also full of fur clumps and she was over the moon with joy. the cat? not so much.

  10. hrm, no html photo posting, apparently. here’s the link:
    boy nap.

    hissing with you, btw.

  11. Hiiiiiisssssssssssssss. That’s actually from our cats, but we’re with them, and you 🙂

  12. Hiiiisssssssssssssss!!

    Our cat sleeps at the foot of the bed and takes very seriously the task of attacking any foot that dares to move under the blanket. She’s gray and white and looks very much like your cutie in the picture!

  13. sending you a very special, ultra-annoyed lovebird *squawk*

    my beloved orangefaced peachface (godresthersoul, three years tomorrow) used to make this kind of aggrivated donald-duck type squawk when my mom would get too close to her cage. we never caught it on tape, but it was clearly comparable to a good *hisssss*

    so i send you one of those…

  14. mutti1

    I have adopted some stray cats in our backyard (after trapping and neutering and getting shots for all of them), and one of them is especially friendly. His name is Pirate due to a patch marking over his eye and a right hook marking on his side. The inside cat, Diva, hates the outside cats, but Pirate continues to try to be her friend. He likes to come inside briefly, and he always runs up to Diva and tries to lick her. He licks everything: his half-sister kitten, his brother, the mother of some other kittens, my toes, my elbows, my legs. But my cat always hisses and growls. However, the other day, Pirate trotted inside, went up to Diva, and attempted a kiss. She seemed to sigh, and then let him lick her. Then she swatted at him, and he backed up. He cocked his head to the side and seemed confused, kind of like he was thinking, “What’s wrong? I just want to love on you.” He then promptly turned to my toes and showed me some love. Diva turned and went away. I think she’s slowly warming up to him. It’s hard not to.

  15. giggleblue

    i’m listening to hiker snore on the bed now… he’s a strange fellow.

  16. JB

    Hi there!
    A big hiss from our house to yours! We have 2 *unusual* cats. One is a recovering anorexic who had a suicide attempt about a year back. She refused food and water although there was nothing physically wrong with her. She has some issues. Now on the mend and eating once more, she engages in daily hissing battles with our other girl who is very mouthy. If her meows were a language we could understand I think she would be telling the world to “eff off” most of the time.

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