burning a hole

money

When I was young and I would get an allowance or make some money babysitting, I would be utterly compelled to buy something. I didn’t have to spend all of the money, but I would have to get something almost immediately. Often this amounted to some sort of small treat at the store down the road, but I had to get something, or I would positively burst.

I find that when I have pregnancy tests in my home, there is a similar effect. I have to use one almost as soon as I get them no matter how ridiculously early it may be. I am now convinced that these are items we should not purchase unless my period is late. I tested this morning: stark white negative. Then I went back to sleep, dreaming that some new and improved test that resembled a humongous iPhone gave me a positive. It was one of those dreams in which I was convinced I was awake. Until I was.

I’m really okay with all of this. I finally got practical and determined that I’m just 11dpo. I don’t expect I will see any red until Tuesday, so it’s still early. Frankly, I’m far more accustomed to negative pregnancy tests than positive ones–much like I’m more accustomed to getting not even one number right on those very rare occasions when J and I play the lottery. It would be nice to get some or even all of the numbers, but that’s not how things typically roll for us, and I’m okay with that.

I’m maintaining the zen space, preparing myself for the worst but knowing that anything can still happen. I’m okay with any outcome because we have a plan, and we’re sticking to it. In fact, this month beause J is going to have such great success on the quitting of smoking, we should have enough of a surplus to purchase a second vial of sperm. That feels pretty good.

Today is the last day of NaBloPoMo. I have enjoyed it, although I am not entirely proud of some of the content I have produced. It does me a lot of good to sit and process for a few moments a day. I doubt I’ll post daily for the coming month, considering the overwhelming grading tasks I have ahead of me as well as the impending holidays. However, I’ll be here updating as much as I can. Thank you all for joining me on this ride.

I’m off to grade!

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7 Comments

Filed under nablopomo, negatives

7 responses to “burning a hole

  1. 11 dpo is way too early. Tuesday, then? I’ll be thinking of you. Peeing. Ha.

  2. 11DPO is still early and I’m still crossing everything for you!!!! xoxo

  3. 11 DPO=too early! I would wait until Day 14 IF you can….
    (put the sticks away!!)
    I hope you get your BFP this month and all that ciggy money saved can go to baby funding.

  4. We always test too early too. Well, I assume it’s too early, I wouldn’t know since we’ve never gotten a BFP. Maybe the 2nd line would really show up at 10dpo.

    Anyway, I’m sorry it was negative but I’m crossing my fingers for the next test! And I’m glad you’ve got the zen going on.
    xo

  5. poppycat

    I can’t resist the urge to pee on those damn things either! I may as well just open the box and throw one right in the trash; at least that would save me some of the drama of a negative because I tested on day 8!

    Hope the next one is a BFP!

  6. jay

    just checking in to say I hope the red still hasn’t made an appearance. xx

  7. I love this entry. We’re both hoping for a positive result for you the next time you test. I was almost glad to hear that you may not be posting for the rest of the month. It gives me time to catch up on your entries over the last ten days. We’ve been out of town, and selfishly, I like to read your blog, so I feel very behind, lol.

    I wish there was some kind of sure fire way to keep from testing early, but, i’m convinced it’s a condition, lol. We always used the digital test with the smiley face and actually got a result 10 dpo! This was of course after two and a half years and many cases of these tests, lol. We’re sending you out great energy for that next test 🙂

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