the meeting

We met our midwife yesterday. J and I are still floating a bit from the experience. It was wonderful. She was wonderful.

It took forever to get to her place. She lives about an hour from us in this beautiful rural location amidst rolling hills covered wtih vineyards, and her office is in a building on her property. When we turned into her driveway and got out of our car, she was walking out of her garden holding a handful of spearmint. She came up to both of us, reached out to shake my hand, and held it with both of her hands as she looked into my eyes telling me how lovely it was to meet me. She did the same with J, then introduced us to her apprentice, her client who was just leaving, and her client’s little girl.

As they left, her apprentice asked us to take off our shoes and invited us in. The “office” is a big living room with pillows and comfy chairs and sofas and pregnancy and birth art everywhere. We were surrounded in goddesses, casts of pregnant bellies, paintings of mother goddesses giving birth. It was cozy and beautiful and empowering. Her apprentice asked us to sit wherever we liked and offered us tea and spearmint water. We gladly accepted. C came in and snuggled up on one of the sofas and invited her apprentice over to sit and cuddle with her.

I should take a moment to describe the midwife: C. C is 62 but honestly looks about ten years younger. She has long silver wavy hair, which she ties back on the top. She is somewhat short, and thin, and she wears long skirts and flowing clothes.  When she smiles, her eyes twinkle, and when she looks at people, she seems to look beyond any guards they might have up; she looks straight at people’s beings.  She is a crone, and she looks like the crone archetype.

After everyone was settled, we sat in each other’s presence for a moment drinking our tea and making small talk. C would ask us questions about our lives, and then asked us if we had questions. I looked to J to ask the majority of the questions. I wanted her to feel more part of this than she did in the past. The whole coversation was easy, organic. J asked how the IUI would work, and C explained the process. At one point she asked if either of us had ever looked at our cervix. When we both replied that we hadn’t, she pulled out a speculum for each of us to take home so that we could cervix-gaze at our leisure. (J later told me that she has no interest in her cervix and does not intend to look at it. I told her that was fine as long as she had some interest in mine. She does, so all is well in cervix land.)

We knew before that C had only done one insemination in the past, but she has wanted for quite some time to be able to provide IUI for those who ask. She has for ages been involved in feminist and gay rights activism (she told us she and her husband only got married when it looked like marriage would be legalized for gay folk in California, and they toasted Gavin Newsome at their wedding), and she wanted to be able to help out women like us. C has a midwife friend who will be training her to do IUIs, so she talked about her for a bit and let us know that if we wanted to work with her instead we could. J said, “No, we want to work with you!”

A smile broadened across C’s face, and she said, “Good! Because I really want to do this for you! I’m so excited about this.” I think I teared up a little when this happened. I proceeded to tell C that when I found her website that I knew we had to work with her, that we needed to know her, and I told her I dreamt of meeting her. She smiled knowingly and said, “It’s so important to listen to your dreams. We can learn a lot from them.”

We discussed a few more details. C had finally researched what she would charge us, which was one of our hugest concerns (as you all know). The final answer: $150. If that’s not a bargain–a downright gift–I don’t know what is.

We continued meandering through conversation. C and J talked about their parents’ deaths. We discovered that she too was an English major in college (her poetry about birth is stunning), that she’s an ordained minister. We talked about our dreams to have children. C even asked if we had names picked out (we do) and asked if we would share them (we did), and it was utterly beautiful. C talked a little about her philosophies about pregnancy and birth too: she discourages unnecessary ultrasounds, promotes home birth, and, well, my foggy brain can’t remember the rest right now. We did tell her that should we get pregnant, we would like to talk with her about being our midwife, and again that beautiful soft smile crept across her face. “Of course,” she said. She’s a lovely woman.

An hour zipped by, and it was soon time to leave (I still had to teach my final class of the day), and she told us to take some apples (from her trees), and offered to get us some spearmint, which we unfortunately had to decline because we weren’t going home for a few hours. She gave us both a warm hug, told us again how excited she was to be working with us, and sent us on our way. J and I left full of hope and peace and eagerness to get all of this started. We were lifted up in a way we have never been through all of this.

J took me out for sushi after I taught my class, and we reflected on the appointment, how her home reminded us of Humboldt, how she reminded us of the best of that place, of home. We kept talking about it all when we came home, dreaming about our child, knowing that somehow this woman was going to help us bring him/her into the world.

We feel like this marks the beginning of the end of our break, the restoration of hope in a new and reassuring form, the beginning of Reproducing Genius Phase 2.

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15 Comments

Filed under insemination, J, midwife, new beginnings, The Long Break, ttc

15 responses to “the meeting

  1. N

    How awesome. 😀

    (It almost makes me wish I lived in CA. …almost. *g*)

  2. nutella

    It sounds like a wonderful beginning. Hope renewed is a beautiful thing.

  3. I’m so happy for you – that sounds like the nicest visit! It’s so wonderful to have a friend in all this – that’s the way I feel about our acupuncturist. Having someone to share the ups and downs and be a stabilizing force is such a gift.

  4. I’m so relieved that you connected with your midwife. Its so important to have someone you can communicate with and that you trust in this process. (I’m a little envious, as I haven’t found that yet, but I know I will). Best wishes to you both.

    Oh, and I was chuckling a little thinking about the cervix viewing party. 🙂

  5. this sounds wonderful and freakishly exciting! i left this blog entry thinking to myself that this HAS to work!

  6. tbean

    This is the best fucking news I’ve heard all week! How amazing! One of those rare moments in life where the outcome is beyond your wildest dreams of how great it could be. Yay! I’m moving to your house and having that midwife knock me up along side of you!

  7. oh i love this woman. so much. i feel so at home with her 🙂

    also, my lucky number is 62.

  8. oh what a great post to read! i’m so excited for you!!!

  9. K

    Sounds like you found exactly the woman you needed. Hooray for such a wonderful meeting!

  10. notesfrom2moms

    phase 2 sounds lovely… i even got chills.

  11. So, so wonderful and ideal. All that nurturing and hope to wrap you up and make you believe that this is possible. She sounds like exactly what you need. I’m so excited for this next phase.

  12. I felt like my midwifes were like my extra mothers. They took such good care of me during a time when I needed it. It sounds like you found a match. Great.

  13. I got so teary over this post. I’m just so happy for you two and how far you’ve come. This is certainly a great sign! I’m sure it’s going to go perfectly. oxox

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