dreaded paperwork

I don’t know what it is, but every time J and I try to sign up with a sperm bank, something is amiss with our paperwork. Yes, we follow directions. Hell, I’m meticulous to a fault, but every time, something is wrong. Something is missing. This time, they want to know the departments we teach in and we have to use a different witness. What will it be next? Perhaps I’ll need to take a new driver’s license photo, or maybe my signature will need to be more legible (good luck with that!). Holy hell. Why does every fucking step in this process have to include hitches?

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11 Comments

Filed under sperm, ttc

11 responses to “dreaded paperwork

  1. If it’s NW, they dick everyone around with the registration process (especially lesbians — remember, even though they have a line for “partner” you must under no circumstance use it or they’ll get upset that the sperm might end up in the wrong snatch! *still annoyed*)

    If it’s not NW then I’m appalled that there are two of them out there… but never mind, once you’re done with the registration then that part will be all over and you can move on to all the spunksicle goodness.

  2. jessica

    WHAT?! are you kidding? I have never heard of such a thing. I don’t remember california cryo asking such absurd, ridiculous, not-one-iotta-having-to-do-with-gizz gizz-releasing criteria questions.

  3. reproducinggenius

    Yes, this is NW. We can’t afford California Cryobank. We have to go for the discount sperm.

  4. N

    SERIOUSLY? You’ve GOT to be kidding me. That’s fucking RIDICULOUS.

  5. NW is a bitch with the paper work and they will take you through holy hell or at least their version of hell. i think they want to drive people to drink, honestly.

    it shouldn’t matter who the hell i am so long as i have a credit card to pay for the baby juice. lets take it back to basics!

  6. The only discount sperm is free sperm.

    Ugh, sorry.

  7. My bet is dental records and a blood sample 🙂

  8. nutella

    NW gave us trouble with paperwork too, but at least they were very polite and communicative about what they needed revisions on. In my case, it was a copy of a utility bill showing my current address because the front of my drivers license showed an old address, even though I included the “new address card” issued by the DMV in my state.

  9. Once registered, people seem happy with NW (if you can get used to their quirky inventory system), so at least it’s just a one-time obstacle to overcome (unless you don’t order for a few months, in which case they make you re-register… or in case you switch from using a doctor to home or vice-versa, in which case they make you re-register…).

    If for some reason you can’t work things out with them, equally low-cost solutions include Midwest (though I think they need a doctor’s sign-off) at $200/vial and Fairfax Cryobank’s Family Solutions at $185/$225 vial (ICI/IUI — not much choice) or CLI’s Value ($185/$225).

    I’m mentioning this not because I think you can’t be perfectly happy with NW, but because I hated feeling trapped and like NW was my only choice. Enough about this process is out of our control!

    Love,
    The Sperm Maven

  10. tbean

    NW did the same with me, but I was able to provide the missing info and it got cleared rather quickly. I was annoyed at the moment of dealing with it, but it passed and I’ve been happy with them since.

    But yeah. I totally get how every.fucking.single.step has to be hard and bumpy. Totally get that.

  11. i cant believe they need to know that information – that is ridic! what does that have to do with you being eligible to be a parent?? It sounds like you’re applying for a job with the CIA or something!

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