I lied.

I don’t think I should title a blog post “emerging” and then disappear for another two days. It’s dishonest. I should know better than to make promises to post when I’m teaching. It just doesn’t happen with any frequency, or at least not the same frequency as summer time. Ah, summer, I miss you already.

I do have something to post about, though, something I promised to discuss last time, and believe it or not, it’s related to TTC! Yes, we’re inching slowly up on October when the break will likely be over.

Because we’re rather sick of waiting to get pregnant with not-so-efficient means, we’ve decided to take a new approach. Before I outline the new approach, I need to include some background: You should know, if you don’t already, that I’m not a big fan of western medicine. I would far rather take an herb, do stretches, or up my intake of certain foods to heal my ailments. I once broke my leg and didn’t seek treatment. Granted, it was obviously only a hairline fracture, and I could walk, and I did consult my paramedic brother, but I didn’t see a need to go have x-rays when I knew my body was taking care of it. Instead, I stayed off of it as much as I could, increased my calcium, and it healed just fine. I trust my body, and while I know its limits, I know it is generally healthy and can take care of itself with some help.

When J and I started down the path to create a family, we were both opposed to fertility drugs and even to working with doctors on all of this. We don’t have a problem with others using these methods; they just haven’t been for us. For the first year of all of this, we went about everything as naturally as possible and had some really bad luck. Shipping fresh sperm is not an easy way to make a baby. My body made a habit of ovulating on weekends or Mondays when no shipment would be timed correctly. When our shipments were timed perfectly, the sperm arrived in unsatisfactory conditions (and was likely not at all viable). I don’t think we had one month when one of these two factors didn’t come into play.

But now we’re off the fresh sperm and definitely moving on to frozen. This opens up options and brought with it some questions about what we wanted to do next. Would we bypass anything natural and hand our plans over to an RE? Would we try inseminations at home with frozen sperm even though we know IUIs are probably a better bet? Would we be comfortable with IUIs ourselves?** We have both come to this point that we want this to happen as quickly as possible while preserving our plans to try and keep things natural, but I’ve begun to wonder if we have new limits. But I’m not going to that place just yet.

After struggling with all of this, I decided to take a different approach than we had considered previously. There are travelling midwives who help with IUI in our part of California, but they charge extra to come to our county, even more if we have to reschedule due to delayed ovulation, and they require that their clients have a referral from a fertility specialist. This wasn’t ideal to us. Instead, I started looking up local midwives to see if any of them would perform IUIs. I have heard back from one of them. She told me that she has only performed a couple of IUIs in her long career, but she would love to take part in this with us and help us start our family. She insists that we do this at our home where we will feel more cozy. She is lovely and positive and so enthusiastic, and for some reason, when we heard back from her and considered how special this would be, we knew this was our new path toward our family. She’s researching what she will charge, and I hope that it will be within reason and something we can afford. This may be the only thing to hold us back. Oh, I hope this doesn’t hold us back. I’m so tired of the fulfillment of dreams hinging on money.

It has been a long time since I’ve had enthusiasm or even a modicum of hope about this path. I still don’t know if I believe it will ever happen for us, but I’ve got a little hope again, and that’s a good place to start. Under two months to go now…


**I should add that we’re not entirely opposed to doing IUI ourselves, but we don’t want to do it without someone showing us how. After attempt #1, we’ll see.


Filed under ttc

13 responses to “I lied.

  1. liberationtheory

    yay i get to be first.

    it seems like we are on the same page. as much as i don’t want to go the hormone/drug route, i DO want a baby in my belly. so i’m starting to consider that even it’s a less than ideal means, hopefully it’ll provide the end that i want.

    sounds like you’re contemplating that too.

    feel free to ask me or A about at home iui. obviously we did it and it worked. it also wasn’t that complicated if you know what to be careful of.

  2. you sound so hopeful – that’s great!

  3. You’re making me re-think things, too …..

  4. starrhillgirl

    You broke your leg and didn’t seek treatment? You’re hard core. I knew there was a reason I liked you.

  5. I’m glad you are finding other options that hopefully will increase your chances and not be in contradiction to your values. I hope this is just what you need!

  6. what a wonderful plan that sounds like a perfect fit in your heart. I think the perfect fit part makes it all the more likely to work… yeah october… (which you know is only like 5 weeks away)

  7. tbean

    Yay TIm! What a terrific new possibility. I tried, unsuccessfully, to find a midwife to do an IUI at our home. I feel like that is just so ideal w/ frozen b/c you get all the benefits of IUI but still the intimacy of being home and not in the medical cogwheel. I hope it works out!

  8. I think this sounds like a great plan and a good comprimise of what you really want (as natural as possible) and some medical help… I hope, I hope, she charges a reasonable fee.

  9. I was nodding along the whole post – we’ve had a really parallel experience through a lot of this. We have a similar distrust of western medicine and have been frustrated by the damn mailers. I think we’re on the verge of maybe one day considering more fertility stuff but we’re definitely not there yet. It’s so hard to want the baby now! and not go after all the options available. But they’re expensive and, sadly, don’t really guarantee any results so it’s hard to make the leap. Anyway, I think your new plan sounds fabulous. Do you know Twylight Dove from “A Nap and a Warm Cookie”? http://twylightdove.livejournal.com/? She and her partner did at home IUIs after learning the technique from a midwife. She might have some tips for you.

  10. Clemency

    Hooray! I’m so happy that you are starting again and with a new plan.

    As for the things we say we’ll “never do”. It seems to be an iron-clad way to ensure that you’ll end up breaking your self-imposed rules/preferences, sooner rather than later. The baby is the end, when you get there the means just aren’t going to matter a jot.

    Lots of love and luck to you both. xo

  11. jay

    That sounds great. New is good, and good …. well you know what happens with good. I’m rambling, but I get what you are saying about moving goalposts and all that. I think we gave up on our ideals a long time ago. But of course in the ideal world we wouldn’t even NEED sperm! Ha. Anyway, great news and fingers crossed your midwife charges low! xxxx

  12. holy hope indeed!! how excited am i for you girls!!!!? this is all very good news lady and i am just so thrilled for oct!!!!!!!! the IUI with the midwife sounds just awesome…..i had no idea that that was even a possibility – i think that is such a great option!! i am so full of hope for you and just smiling from ear to ear. i know this is going to happen for you and it’s gonna be soon!!!!!!!!!! lots of love girl. xoxo

  13. I just found your blog and very much identified with this post. My partner and I are TTC using frozen donor sperm and at home IUI (after some teaching by our RE). I am already planning a natural childbirth and I have some conflicts about refusing to put chemicals in my body during pregnancy yet using a trigger shot while TTC (and contemplating clomid as a next step). It is a difficult decision and I hope you are able to find something you are comfortable with. Best of luck on this journey!

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