J and I have spent the last twenty-four hours recovering from our weekend of reverie with our girlfriends. It was mostly fun. We took them wine tasting, ate altogether too much really good food, played some poker, and drank more wine. One member of this group is a person J and I would rather not have in our home (she hates children, tries to play “Queen Bee,” and generally makes everyone self-conscious about her appearance). Yesterday, after they left, we had to spend a bit of time detoxing ourselves from her personality, but we had a wonderful time seeing two of our dear, dear friends.

This week, we will meet my niece and spend some time at my parents’ place “on call” for my sister in case she needs someone to hold the baby while she eats/showers/sits in silence/runs errands. I’m actually looking forward to that, and this weekend, I found myself resenting the above-mentioned woman for keeping me from meeting the baby. I think this is a good step. J isn’t quite there yet, but I think she will be better once she meets her.

For a few days I have been fielding emails from potential donors. I hate it. There’s a guy from Italy who thinks he could ship (no), another who is willing to travel to us each cycle from across the country (don’t want to deal with the hassle or the cost of flights), others who are local and can’t spell or write a complete sentence (obviously no), and then there are some who seem perfectly normal who are in-state but too far for fresh donations and would have to ship. As I go through these emails, I don’t have any of the same excitement I did when we were looking for Mr. G. Instead, I’m almost indifferent. There are the obvious ones whom we won’t even consider (a lack of ability to spell or string a sentence together is a huge NO for a couple of English instructors), but I think J and I are at the point that we just don’t care. Is that horrible? I mean, it would be nice if the guy wasn’t hideous-looking, and we want someone who is healthy, but otherwise, I’m wondering how many of these factors really matter to us anymore. I’m also wondering if we really want to deal with a real person on this matter.

J will have enough classes to qualify for health insurance in the fall–and because we’re married, I’ll get it too. Maybe we’ll get really lucky and have some kind of fertility coverage (doubtful), and we’ll be able to jump in with both feet, buy the frozen goods, have a couple of IUIs per cycle and get this thing done. That would be nice.

Honestly, we’re waffling a lot these days; neither of us is sure which direction to take next, so we’ll just keep thinking about it and looking forward.


Filed under Ramblings, sperm

11 responses to “waffles

  1. jay

    Hmmmmmm. I totally get the writing/spelling thing (I have an English related job too) but, if you don’t mind me saying so, can’t you try and ignore that part? If they are local, healthy, nice and “get it”, that’s totally great to go on, innit? You two can always teach your kids to spell anyway!!

    No idea if our donor can spell or not, for the record.

  2. vee

    Healthy and not too hideous – what more could a girl ask for in her donor! I reckon most of the rest of it would be down to your parenting skills anyway, so no worries on that front.

    If you don’t really want to deal face to face, can you go local but get an intermediary to do the ferrying? I don’t know if you know anyone local well enough yet to ask, but if you did, they could run a jiz delivery service for you?

  3. We used Fairfax cryobank and it was pretty darn cheap and a really good experience. Just check out the incomplete information section. We called it the “blue light special.” There is nothing wrong with the donors; they are just missing some of the extra data they can offer if they have a complete file (like a childhood photo or a voice sample etc). If they have a bank in your area, you can store it there and not have to worry about timing your ovulation with shipping. We inseminated at home without the fun of medical involvement, and it worked out pretty fast. We really spent very little money (like under a thousand for 2 pregnancies). Also, the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility was a HUGE help in making sure we were inseminating at the right time. It is so frustrating to want a baby so badly and not be able to just get pregnant. I feel for you!

  4. liberationtheory

    i’m happy to hear you are coming back to the ttc side and i hope that it’s a shorter journey. i’ve been doing some thinking myself about what lessons i’ve learned so far so that we can do it better next time. i always appreciate your support and will be here championing you on, as well.

  5. K

    Just found your blog recently and wanted to say good luck!

  6. Sigh. Yes, we’re tackling some of these questions right now too…or just starting to since we don’t know if we’ll keep using Sage or not. I’m finding my standards have dropped significantly from our first time around. I’m suddenly not as concerned with all sort of stuff. Can he jerk off willingly and plentifully in a cup? Is he healthy are reasonably attractive? Hired!

    Have fun with the babe! I hope it’s really good for you both.

  7. you know, when we were looking at KD, the more time passed, the more we cared less about the donor and his intelectual ability. so long as he was disease free, not deformed, decent looking, not seeing himself as “daddy” and willing to help, we didn’t care. we even put ethnicity aside. it was an interesting transition and i think a lot of us go through it. even with the banks. at some point, you just want a good count – who cares about the blond hair and blue eyes?

    now, make sure you hold that baby nice and tight. i’m thinking the sheer contact will bring good baby vibes you way! i know you are going to fall in love when you see it.

    and here’s to insurance with conception coverages!

  8. tbean

    waffling over here too…just wanted to chime in…this break sucks

  9. I think even if the donor can’t spell, your child won’t have the same problem. It will be raised by you.

    That doesn’t change the fact that I eliminated many potential donors because of grammatical errors on their personal essays. Also, misreading a question was a big no no. So I get it.

    In the end, I didn’t pay much attention to which donor my honey chose for Cakie. We switched at the last minute. He was male. He had sperm. Good enough. (Though I guess one would be more particular with a KD, since you need to speak with him and whatnot.)

  10. I totally see why you’d feel that way. Before finding our KD, we wrestled with similar things!! Can’t spell? No. Flying in? No. Ultimately, our KD is a not-bad looking guy who is a little shorter than I’d like. He isn’t a genius and he’s definitely imperfect. But, he was the key to the best opportunity to create our baby. Ultimately, I think smarts is in how you raise a child. Is any one donor THAT much better than another?? It’s hard…..but, my advice would to pick a good fit for you….he doesn’t have to be perfect, just someone you get a “good feeling” from. I don’t know. Just my two cents. I feel badly you won’t have the same excitement as you did for Mr. G….but you want my honest opinion? I think no matter WHO you choose, your child will be amazing….and, with you two as parents….I’m almost guaranteeing a genius 😉 I’m wishing you all the luck in the world, but, you already knew that! xoxo

  11. We haven’t given up on donor #1 just yet, but have donor #2 lined up. It’s amazing how different our criteria are 4 tries later.
    But the spelling thing…um, yes. That is a sticker for me too!

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