J and I have found ourselves in a bit of a quandry this week. We both admitted to each other this week that we’re not happy here. We don’t like this town.

Living in wine country is a bit like being on vacation all the time. We love that feeling, but eventually, the vacation has to end. We still love going wine tasting; we still find our surroundings beautiful; we still love so many things about this place. But the town feels somehow soulless. Every weekend, and now throughout the weekdays, our little main streets are inundated with tourists. There is no parking should one need to visit a business downtown. Giant tour busses line our streets. It’s a circus.

The other issue is the median age of the people who live here. I would say that we’re some of the youngest people here at 32 and 35. The majority of the people who live here are retired–or nearly retired–and very, very wealthy. I know I’ve mentioned this before in the context of making friends, but this also lends a very stuffy sort of air to the town itself. It doesn’t feel family friendly, and while people are fine about us as a couple, the only other queer folk in our town seem to be retired gay men.

This is not the place for a couple of lesbians trying to start a family. It’s a great place to visit, but we’ve got to start looking for a new location to move to once our lease is up next April. Luckily, the surrounding thirty-mile radius has a lot of towns to offer. We admittedly didn’t do a lot of research before moving here because we thought we sort of knew the area–and we thought most of it was the same–but now that we’re here, we’re realizing that each community here is fairly distinct. We’re discovering some cool bohemian communities, areas that are filled with families, areas where we would probably feel a little more at home and a little less like tourist attractions. The good news is, each of these areas is just as beautiful as this one (some even more so), so we won’t have to sacrifice beauty for comfort. For that I am happy.  We’re going to keep studying our possibilities, but this has been a pretty significant realization this week. It’s not necessarily one we’re happy about, but it was important nonetheless.

So now we have a year to spend trying to soak up what this little town has to offer whilst not going absolutely crazy with tourist hatred. It’s going to be interesting. I think we will make games of it. We also have a year, though, to figure out precisely where we want to live, and that is a nice feeling. I like time.



Filed under moving, new home

9 responses to “pickle

  1. You really are thinking this all through, which is so very smart (and lesbian-like!). You’ll have lots of time to find a place that you both love – somewhere you can really picture yourself raising a family. And in the meantime you’re surrounded by such beauty!! Enjoy it and take lots of pictures. It may only be a short “vacation” before you two will have a little one join you! xo

  2. Is Philly on your list of options? 😉

  3. jay

    oh jeesh …. sorry to hear that… can’t be esay eh? think of it as a kind of year out-type thing? lots of tourists here too, fwiw. the trick is to travel kind of parallel to them, and avoid the busy places at peak times. but I guess you knew that so i’ll shut up now! just wanted to say i hope you find it easier asap. xxxx

  4. Oh that’s hard, but I’m glad that you guys are talking about it now and making a plan to move to someplace that matches you better. Have you ever used the website find your spot dot com? I think it’s loads of fun! Good luck!

  5. Oh dear. But you’re not tied there for too long and you’ll have a ball seeking out your right spot. Good luck with the hunt for home.

  6. reproducinggenius

    Northern California

  7. yeah i hear it is much more conservative up there


  8. reproducinggenius

    Actually, it’s not conservative here at all. There are certain Northern California communities (mostly to the east) that are conservative, but the coastal areas and wine country (where we are) are decidedly progressive. In fact, our county has one of the highest concentrations of LGBT folk in the state. Our problem is more with the age/wealth status of the average citizen in this town as well as the socio-economic divide. The politics are fine.

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