Dismal

J and I have had a rough weekend. It’s confirmed that I ovulated on Thursday and that any insemination Friday evening was likely pointless, especially with sperm that was probably not any good. We’ve decided not to even look at this as a two week wait. Instead, we’re going to do everything we can to make next time really count. So you won’t be hearing about any psychosomatic symptoms. No phantom nausea, no weird aches and pains. I know I’m not pregnant. 

The problem that we’ve been agonizing over all weekend is that our donor is simply unreliable. He seems to have the greatest of intentions, but he also has trouble carrying them out. So, for example, we’ll give him an ovulation window, and he’ll forget to check his email on the one day during that window when the shipment needs to be sent. Or, we’ll give him a window, and he’ll be out of town on business, and he won’t have all of his necessary shipper supplies with him. He has insisted on his own version of a BioTr@nz shipper. At first it was really thorough and might have worked since it kept the sample cool, but his newer versions are these haphazard packages that don’t keep the shipments cool, and, in fact, they hardly protect them at all. We seriously doubt that any of the sperm we’ve gotten in the last two shipments is even remotely good, yet we’ve used it anyway and gotten our hopes up.  It’s all so frustrating.

So we’re struggling with how we address this with our donor, how we get him to realize that he needs to jump on board with the premade shippers even though he insists on paying for everything–or at least to make his DIY shippers better and more like the premade ones. We plan to send him a detailed email, addressing these issues, but naturally I’m worried this will mean he’ll back out completely.

Enter donor #2. We got an email from someone inquiring about our ad that we had placed nearly a year ago, and we’ve started talking. When we move, he’ll be about an hour away, and he’s said that he would be willing to step in as an alternate then. Oddly enough, his first email came as we were contacting Mr. Goodman about our ovulation window, and he also wrote us on the day I ovulated as I was waiting to hear back from Mr. Goodman. My superstitious side wants to say this is a sign–that there are other options out there. I don’t know. Hopefully we won’t have to resort to using another donor, but we might.

We’re also considering some frozen sperm. We were planning a trip to meet up with Mr. G at the end of this month, but we can’t do that because I’m probably ovulating mid-week. This frees up the money we would have spent on that trip, which makes me think maybe we should spend it on a vial of the frozen stuff. That way, if Mr. Goodman falls through, we’ve got backup. I don’t know. I’m really frustrated with all of this.

I was hoping to be all giddy with excitement and hope this time around, and now I’m just ready to move on. I’m pissed off that we waited all those months for our donor to come back only to have this happen. And I’m sad that there really isn’t any hope for a pregnancy this month.

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3 Comments

Filed under insemination, sperm, The Break, ttc, TWW

3 responses to “Dismal

  1. Guys, I really, really feel for you. An unreliable known donor is the worst kind of frustrating and upsetting shit. I know that feeling of powerlessness and I remember well trying to keep a lid on my fury and “be reasonable” in the face of such lameness, for fear that me losing it would cause the relationship to break down and then we’d have no more sperm.

    But it broke down anyway and we wasted 18 precious months. Trust your gut – it he’s giving you the runaround, look elsewhere, at least as a backup – he does not has exclusive sperm-providing rights.

    (((hugs)))

  2. Back-up sounds reasonable to me (not that I am in a particularly reasonable place just now….). I also vote for the frozen sperm next cycle, if you’ve got the extra cash – I keep hearing it works well.
    Meanwhile, let’s have a scotch, shall we?

  3. reproducinggenius

    Vee–Thank you. I remember a few months ago reading about your donor issues, and it’s just crap. You’re right though: he doesn’t have exclusive sperm-providing rights, and we’re best off finding a couple of alternatives. The last thing we want after waiting all summer is to have anymore surprise no sperm cycles.

    Corey Jo–I’m with you on the scotch, babe. And we definitely are looking into the spermsicles.

    Thanks, ladies, for your support through this. I can’t believe I took it so hard, but this process really does fuck with one’s sensibilities.

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