J and I have both been waking up with dreams about babies, inseminating, and the like all week long. One night I dreamt that we had a huge vial of sperm shipped to us while I was on my period. This morning, as we sat around drinking our coffee, we both acknowledged that the baby pangs were becoming increasingly unbearable.
Before we started the TTC process, we’d have these all the time, and they were poignant as hell. In fact, they are what launched us onto this track in the first place. But now that we’re on a break, now that we’ve had a taste of the hope and the forward momentum, the big, gaping, baby-shaped hole in our hearts is increasingly more unbearable.
There is a good chance that we won’t be able to inseminate this month as we had planned, that Mr. Goodman won’t be back by the time my egg is ready, and that realization makes all of this even harder.
Have I mentioned we really, really, really want a baby?