Monthly Archives: August 2007


J and I have both been waking up with dreams about babies, inseminating, and the like all week long. One night I dreamt that we had a huge vial of sperm shipped to us while I was on my period. This morning, as we sat around drinking our coffee, we both acknowledged that the baby pangs were becoming increasingly unbearable.

Before we started the TTC process, we’d have these all the time, and they were poignant as hell. In fact, they are what launched us onto this track in the first place. But now that we’re on a break, now that we’ve had a taste of the hope and the forward momentum, the big, gaping, baby-shaped hole in our hearts is increasingly more unbearable.

There is a good chance that we won’t be able to inseminate this month as we had planned, that Mr. Goodman won’t be back by the time my egg is ready, and that realization makes all of this even harder.

Have I mentioned we really, really, really want a baby?


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Getting Political

I know this blog is about making babies, or trying to make babies, but I’m a bit irritated by some news lately.

 Some of you may know that a Republican Senator from Idaho by the name of Larry Craig was charged with soliciting an undercover cop for sex in a public restroom.  Now, he’s certainly not the first Republican to get caught engaging in this kind of criminal behavior; anyone remember Congressman Mark Foley and his obsession with congressional paiges? 

Well, every time something like this happens, the conservative pundits go ape shit over it.  They love to equate deviant closeted behavior with garden-variety homosexuality.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t cruise bathrooms for sex or hit on minors.  But, hey, I’m a healthy, happy and OUT homo, so I don’t know how the closet cases get laid.  Honestly, it’s not just the ordinary closet cases we’re talking about, either; it’s the self-loathing conservatives that seem to hide in the closet and live a double life, passing anti-gay legistlation in the afternoon and cruising for bathroom bjs by night . 

It disgusts me, actually.  I’m a good person!  A good American!  I vote, I pay my taxes, work hard, volunteer my time when possible, and I don’t break the law.  Then a scumbag like Craig gets busted, and I have to listen to the whole “gay lifestyles are deviant” schtick from the right-wing media all over again.  I wish these freaks would just form a club.  Oh yeah, that’s right, they’re log cabin Republicans.  Oh wait, those are gay republicans who are out of the closet.  Can I just pause on this rant to say just how weird a gay Repubican is.  Just sayin’, I’m not sure how you could vote Republican and be a self-respecting homo.  But I digress.

The final insult came in the form of Tucker Carlson of MSNBC sitting around and yucking it up with fellow pudits and describing how he beat the crap out of a guy who came on to him in a bathroom.

Here’s the link to the transcript of that frat boy exchange:

This is what passes as news these days, which explains why I got rid of my cable a few months back. 



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It’s only Monday of the second week of school, and I’m so freakin’ exhausted that I’m about to fall asleep in my office. The semester that was supposed to have eased up a little has now gotten even more insane. The good news is that J and I should have plenty of money to move at the end of the year. The bad news is I may have to go into some sort of hibernation after this semester is over, and that would make moving difficult.

I need to bring a pillow to my office. And a blanket. Hell, I’m installing a whole damn bed. It’s the only way I’m going to make it through these twelve hour hell days. Bleh.


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Rambling Update Post

School started yesterday, which means our quiet summer life came to a screaching halt, and our chaotic life that is fall semester began. The first day of school is always an interesting one. I enjoy meeting all of the new students, and it’s fun welcoming first-year students to the university. This semester is particularly poignant for J and I because it’s our last semester teaching at this university where we both got our BAs and MAs, where we met and fell in love, where we got our start with teaching. I’m trying to take it all in this time and savor every moment, but at times that’s difficult, especially when I have a schedule that keeps me there for twelve hours two days a week.

The beginning of the new semester also heralds all kinds of changes for us though. The fact that it is our last semester also reminds us both that we have a huge move coming. We’ve never moved to a new city before, and I know this is going to be a great change for us both. The new semester also will bring Mr. Goodman back to the States so that we can start inseminating again, and once we do, the piles of papers we both have to grade will certainly distract us from the various TWWs. I can’t wait. I just hope we don’t end up having to inseminate in our office. Or if we do, I hope it’s not one of those rare occasions when a janitor or computer tech decides to let himself in. That would be awkward, although I know they see a lot of odd things in faculty offices.

The weird thing I’ve encountered about returning to school is that a couple of big gossips in our department have been telling everyone about our insemination plans, so random people have been coming up to me at the copier asking if I’m pregnant yet. I’m tempted to tell everyone we’ve given up so that they’ll let me be, but maybe it’s good that people know. They all seem to be excited for us, and having that sort of energy out there is certainly a positive thing.

J and I have been obsessed lately with Hurr*cane Dean. It appears to have hit our favorite port town on that we visited on our Caribbean cruise a little over a year ago. This place, Mahahual, was a beautiful but poor village, and the people there rely heavily on tourism for their income. Their structures are not what most of us would call “sound.” I hope we’ll be able to go back one day, and I hope the locals we met while we were there are okay.

I’ll leave you with a photo of J at The Cat’s Meow, a great little restaurant in Mahahual.


I do hope it’s still there, but the second photo shows that it’s just across the dirt road from the beach:



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Photo Friday: Gadgets

Glamour shots of our favorite kitchen gadgets is the assignment for this week’s photographic follies.

My first selection here is my KitchenAid mixer. It’s not that I use this thing every day, or even every week, but when I do, it makes me happy. It’s no secret that I love to cook, and I love to bake. For years, I had a little plastic handheld mixer that was fine, but I would always admire the gleaming steel of the KitchenAids when I spied them in department stores or friends’ kitchens. Then one year for my birthday, my mom gave me one of my own, and here she is (the mixer, not my mom):


Ahh, kitchen gadgetry perfection!

The next is J’s pick: her espresso machine. It’s a cheap little thing that I got her for her birthday one year, but it is also one of our most-used appliances. We both do a lot of work online, so when we sit down for lengthy shifts at the computer, we always fire up the espresso machine to get ourselves through. Luckily, I find decaf espresso to be just as good, so that will be my drink of choice rather soon. Here is our trusty espresso machine:

 Espresso Machine 

Finally, because I love cooking so much, it was difficult for me to leave a few things out, so I have an honorable mention category. First is my knife. This is a wonderful knife with lovely balance, a great weight, and a high-quality steel blade. I use this thing daily to cut up nearly everything. Second is our corkscrew. We break these from time to time because, well, they get a lot of use. We love good wine, and being in California and within a half-day’s drive to some of the best wine appalachians in the world, how could we not?! Last is the garlic press. We searched for years for a garlic press that would press more than one clove at a time without the need for a pair of pliers to squeeze the handles together. One day, we found this one–I don’t know where–but if it ever breaks, I’ll be mortified.


So there you have it–our favorite gadgets (in the kitchen, that is).



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Can yours use sign language?

People have used some pretty amusing search terms to end up on this blog, things like,

artificially inseminate my cat


sperm inside of me for the first time

But my new favorite is this:

sign language vagina

I don’t think I need to say anymore.


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Happy Birthday, J!


Happy birthday, my sweet!

I didn’t manage to post on J’s birthday yesterday because we were having such a wonderful day, but  I thought she deserved to be the topic of a new (albeit, late) post at the very least. We spent the day doing everything from moving furniture around in our new office at the university to taking a nice sunny afternoon drive. We had been celebrating for a few days already with friends, but we finished it off with some wine and a lovely evening all by ourselves.

Today marks the end of our summer partying and a recommitment to our healthy lifestyles. We’ve been off track for a few weeks with all of our houseguests and the realization that this is our last summer in this place, not to mention school starts in just a week, but we’re both ready now to recommit to our healthier selves so that in just a month or so we can get started again on making a baby. With any luck, this will be the year I make my lovely lady a mom.



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Photo Friday: Trees

In my experience, people who don’t live in California most often associate it with Hollywood, L.A., beaches, warm weather, and the like. And they aren’t completely wrong. We have a lot of that here, but those things exist almost exclusively in southern California. There is a whole different side to this place, though–a wild, misty, and prehistoric place where thousand-year old trees stand hundreds of feet tall. This is our California: our redwood forest.


I have lived in northern California all of my life, but I moved to the north coast about fourteen years ago where I now live amongst the oldest and largest trees on the planet. To live on the north coast of California is to live almost symbiotically with these trees. We walk through them all summer, see them fall to their deaths in winter storms, mourn them as their corpses are hauled off by greedy timber companies–a single tree cut up to fill two giant trailers on trucks that fill the highways. We see the bald patches on mountainsides where the same timber companies have clearcut whole groves, whole ecosystems, so that someone can have a redwood planked deck.

After living here for fourteen years, one would think that the sheer awe inspired by these trees would fade, but over the years, I have fallen in love with these mystical giants time and time again. Of late, J and I have been camping and hiking amongst them every chance we get. Below is a photo of one such excursion. J is on the trail on the left. The giant mass taking up the right of the photo is just half the width of a redwood tree:


This is a fairly typical redwood grove: the sun filters through those few areas where the canopy opens up; giant sword ferns nearly swallow the bases of the giant trunks; and a thick, fluffy soil filled with redwood needles called duff covers the ground.

I never have been much of an environmental activist, but living amongst these redwoods and seeing their devastation has made me a life-long advocate for these trees. We really are in danger of losing them all, and as cliche as it may sound, I truly hope our children will be able to run amongst them, try to wrap their arms around them, and smell their sweet, earthy aroma one day–and that they won’t all be lost to lumber companies. Friends, if you’ve never seen them, please find an excuse to do so. You’ll be changed forever.


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Hello Again, Thermometer

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

Well, my month off from taking my basal body temperture at 7am is over. This morning I awoke bright and early and started up again. It’s nice to chart again though. I felt a little lost last month without knowing precisely the day I ovulated. I like knowing what my body is doing, and while we won’t be inseminating this month because Mr. Goodman is still out of the country, charting makes me want to be a little more well-behaved.

Today is also the day we both start prepping for the fall semester. We just found out last week that J is going to be teaching again this semester! Not only does this make for a more steady income (and health insurance for both of us!), but it also provides us with a nice chunk of money when it comes time to move in January. This is also our last semester ever teaching at the university where we both went to school for our BAs and MAs–the place where we met and fell in love. It will be a good opportunity to have some closure as we move on to bigger, greener, gayer pastures in the spring.

Honestly, I’m welcoming the distraction of new students and meetings and papers to grade. This means that maybe I won’t have as much time to obsess about the TTC rollercoaster. On top of that, fall semester is perhaps the worst possible time to be fatigued or have any sort of morning sickness, so chances are, I’ll get pregnant early and be sick all semester long. Here’s hoping!


Filed under teaching writing, The Break, ttc


Six years ago today, J and I had a beautiful commitment ceremony in our garden with our closest friends and family, and we jumped the broom.


 We don’t consider this our real anniversary. Instead, it’s our public anniversary. We were together for three years before the ceremony, so our true anniversary for us is when we had our first real date.

We do enjoy spending our public anniversary thinking about that day though. It was a completely DIY wedding. We cooked, decorated (gardened), wrote our vows and the ceremony–everything. Our dear friend Nate “officiated,” although we weren’t signing anything or doing anything remotely official, so he simply read what we wanted him to read and guided us through the ceremony. We asked friends and family not to bring traditional wedding gifts. Instead, we asked for contributions to the garden. People brought lavendar, roses, sunflowers, tulip bulbs, alstromeria, and so much more. The garden was beautiful. We also had a margarita fountain, which proved very popular. It really was a wonderful day, and our married straight friends told us they wished they could redo their wedding and have something more like ours. **

[**Our friend Nate did something very much like we did when he got married to his wife the next year: they stole our entire ceremony! We had written a ceremony based on a pagan handfasting throwing in some good ole lesbian flare. This made it particularly amusing when our friends–a Catholic man (and his VERY Catholic family) and  a Jewish woman (and her VERY Jewish family)–used the thing for their Hawaiian-themed straight wedding. While J and I knew they might use some of it for inspiration, we were mighty surprised at the wedding to hear it was nearly word for word our ceremony!]

J and I have had a rough week. Our cycles lined up, and we’ve been hormonal messes, so today has been trying, but remembering our wedding six years ago, and seeing how much our love for one another has grown over the years makes it all worth it–even the worst of the PMS days. I never knew I could love someone so much. I really am a lucky woman.



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