Monthly Archives: May 2007

Insemination Day

Well, we did it.

 Yesterday started with a temperature rise for me. For those unfamiliar with charting temperatures to determine ovulation, one’s temperature usually dips on the day of ovulation and spikes directly after. I spiked yesterday, so the morning didn’t start well. We both decided that we would still go ahead with the insemination even if it could be largely ceremonial. After all, our sperm was in the mail (in a UPS truck to be more specific), and that alone was really exciting.

We spent the morning trying to busy ourselves as much as possible, running errands, weeding, doing a bit of work, going out for coffee. We settled down for lunch at around noon, and as soon as we were done, the doorbell rang. When I answered it, a little package sat at the door. It was finally here.

We have had a lot of fears that this wouldn’t really happen, that Mr. Goodman somehow wouldn’t come through or that something else would happen. I even dreamt the night before that there was a terrorist cell posing as sperm donors, and they were sending bombs instead of sperm. With the arrival of that package, all of the legitimate and unfounded fears alike were gone, and our hope was restored. So was our nervousness: this was finally real.

I opened the thing up–hesitantly, mind you. I haven’t had contact with semen in over nine years, and I wasn’t sure how I’d react. He had put the semen in a syringe, and he placed that in a baggy, and then he wrapped all of that in foil. Surrounding all of this was styrofoam packing peanuts, and then, on the very top and bottom of the box, separated from the rest of the contents by cardboard, were two ice packs. When we finally got to the syringe, it was cool, but not too cold, so we’re led to believe that he did it just right.

We warmed it up, leaving it sitting on a table for a bit, then laying it in my hand, then J’s. We held it as it slowly warmed to room, then body temperature, and then J said, “Let’s do this!” So we lit some candles that we had on our baby alter, lit some more candles in the bedroom, and closed the bedroom door to keep the curious cats away.

I had terrible nervous giggles, and once we were in the bedroom, I nearly lost it. I was just standing there laughing, and I told J, “I don’t know what to do!”

“Take off your clothes!” was her reply. Right. The clothes needed to be off. Once they were, though, everything went fine. We didn’t shoot sperm across the room or spill in the floor. It went just fine. It was even a bit romantic, despite my giggles every time I started to fall of the mountain of pillows we had under me. I layed there for awhile after to make sure that the stuff had a chance to do its thing, and we both took a little nap.

Afterward, we went out for icecream. I haven’t had icecream in ages because I’ve been working to lose weight, but yesterday was necessarily indulgent. In fact, we spent the rest of the day enjoying the excitement of it all. It was a lovely day full of hope, surprises, and anticipation of the future. And while I have little hope that our timing was right now that it appears that I ovulated two days early, it was still our first insemination day, our first step toward making our baby. Our family.


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On being the Non-biological Mother (to be)

I’m J, T’s partner of 9 years, and I’ll be blogging here from time to time, offering an added perspective on this journey of ours to concieve a child.  In preparation for the upcoming insemination, I’ve been doing some reading, and recently I’ve started reading “Confessions of the Other Mother.”  That would be me, the other mother, also known as the “non-biological/birth mother.”  I understand that to some women this is a perjorative, and that’s understandable.  Often times,  anything with the word “non” in it has a negative connotation, just as “other” has an excusionary feel to it, but I promise not to get too hung up on semantics or delve too deeply into the problems with the modern lexicon or its ability to adequately express our unique situation.  At least not today 😉

 I admit the terminology grates on me a bit, and, just as it took some time for me to feel comfortable with words like queer, dyke, domestic partner, artificial insemination, etc., I imagine I will get used to, and perhaps even embrace, “non birth mom,” referred to henceforth as “NBM.”

Terminology notwithstanding, I, perhaps unlike some NBM’s, have  no desire of my own to be pregnant, though my biological clock is completely intact and ticking like a timebomb.  Therefore, how lucky am I? Not only do I get this fantastic partner, but she wants to have a baby!  We didn’t have to draw straws; no one had to delay her own needs or desires; I said “I don’t want to,” and she said “I do.”  And I just can’t express how lucky, proud, and happy I am that we are finally–finally–getting this show on the road!!!! It’s been a long journey already, Readers.

One “problem” with being the NBM is the feeling of uselessness prior to pregancy, which is where T and I are right now.  She has activities like temperature-taking and ovulation tests to keep her occupied, but me?  I don’t have too much to do really.  I can listen and learn, but I can’t do anything yet.  It’s maddening, particularly for a girl who likes to be involved in all aspects of life. No obserever am I; I like to roll up my sleeves and get things done.  Possibly not the image I should be conjuring considering what we’ll be doing tomorrow, but I really do best when I’m busy and active. 

 For now, though, I wait…anxiously, happily for the day my partner tells me she’s pregnant. 

 I’ll delve into terminology and semantics more later.




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Impending Egg

I got a positive result on an Ovulation Predictor Kit today. This means I’m anywhere from 24-36 hours from ovulation. Mr. Goodman’s donation is set to arrive before noon on Wednesday, so this is going to be tight, but it should be pretty good timing. I can’t believe we’re actually here.

 J and I went for a nice long hike in the forest today. It was so beautiful, and we spent much of the day imagining what life might be like once we have kids. We really are ready for this.

 We spent a good amount of time today discussing what it took to get us here. We had a friend who offered to be our donor without us ever asking. When we discussed it with him, we asked that he just let us know by the end of last year what he decided. We heard nothing. After that, we started exploring sperm banks, asking friends if they knew anyone who might be willing to help us out, even asking strangers if they would help. Once we came up with the idea to search for someone online, though, things changed.

Yes, we did get our share of freaks. I can’t count how many pictures of men who were trying to look sexy ended up in my inbox. One of them was a scrawny 19-year-old boy without his shirt on. It could have been worse. There were men posting on this sperm donor message board who were posting photos of their large endowments–as though that has anything to do with virility! There are others who are seeking to spread their seed for biblical reasons, who want to produce as many offspring as possible, and, while they’re at it, are looking for wives. The worst who wrote to us started off sounding good, but we already had a pretty strong agreement with Mr. Goodman, so I let him know that we had already found a donor. The guy was a high school administrator, within driving distance, etc., but after just two emails, he was insisting that we drop Mr. Goodman and use him. He was certain that he would get me pregnant on the first insemination, and he told me that if I just looked at photos of his children, my mind would be changed. He told me that I still had time to tell my donor no, and that he would be waiting. Needless to say, he had to go.

 I knew we were jumping into shark-infested waters when I posted our ad on one of these message boards, but I honestly didn’t think we’d find anyone legitimate, and now here we are about four months later, and Mr.Goodman has even begun to offer to send multiple shipments to increase our chances. We won’t know everything is in order until the sperm shows up, but for now, J and I are really enjoying the thought that we might be finally experiencing some good karma. I just hope it keeps up.


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One week!

We have about one week before we try our first home insemination. Mr. Goodman will be sending his donation via overnight Fed Ex, and we’ll take over from there. J hates the term “turkey baster method,” but this is what we’ll be doing (with a needless syringe though–a turkey baster is just too big and wasteful!).

 I think we’re both a bit nervous and a lot excited. I’m nervous that the donation might not show up, that the swimmers will all be dead, that somehow my ovulation will come early and will fall on the holiday weekend. There’s also part of me that is nervous that it will take, and that all of our dreams will finally come true. I don’t know if we’d know what to do with that!


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I’ve come to the realization that I don’t know how to blog, and I think it’s because it feels self-indulgent, not to mention at this point, J and I  are really a little dull. No one really wants to read about how obsessed two women in their thirties are with having a baby–how when we enter a store, the baby section draws us with this unbelievable force; how when we spot a baby we’re star-struck; how sometimes we even cry with the pain of wanting children. So I have a little trouble writing about this and thinking that anyone would ever want to read it.

 The good news is, at this point, no one is reading our blog, so I’ve got a bit of time to find my blogger’s voice. Yet I can’t help but think of Katie Couric begging the nation to give her a sign-off line because she couldn’t think of one herself. I will find my groove. I will! I will! But if anyone out there has a blogger’s persona they want to loan me (ala Katie Couric) for the time being, that would be cool too.


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