Protected: a long-awaited sigh

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Protected: contemporary? ballroom? only the dancer knows

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Protected: wandering in the woods

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Protected: shades of gray

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Protected: i’ve given up on titles

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another “update” where a pithy title should be

It’s been a very long time since I have posted anything here, and I know some of you are wondering what is going on. I’m not pregnant yet. I had some testing done last month and discovered that my ovarian reserve is leaving quite a bit to be desired. So, after having a not-so-small freakout, we started making plans.

This cycle, I took Clomid. My doctor thought it would be good to try it, so I did. I won’t be trying it again because I was one of the rare (and oh-so-fortunate) patients who experience flashing, streaming lights while taking Clomid, and while my younger self might have been pretty stoked about fertility drugs with hallucinogenic properties, my grownup self is over that. So no more Clomid. Fortunately, I had finished my last dose, and the side effects did not linger (apparently, those fancy lights can become a permanent fixture–something about which I had more than one panic attack).

Today, I’ll have an IUI. After today, we start with our next plan, which is to ramp up the efforts and work toward IVF. I’ve got a clinic picked out and a phone consult is being set up, and even some sweet fertility elves working on fundraising ideas. I really hope I don’t need any of it, but that is the path we’re likely on.

I’m really hating this getting older business; the fact that my grief has helped age me more is fairly insulting. After losing my only child to a one in a million type of cancer, shouldn’t the universe go a little easier on me? Maybe I shouldn’t be asking that question. I hate to imagine what else might be thrown my way.

Also, tomorrow would have been my due date with Goblin. I’m numb about it.

But, hey, IUI today. I might even see my own doctor–this may be the first time she’s available on an ovulation day, so I’m keeping the proverbial chin up for now because why not settle into a little hope if only for a couple of weeks?

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Protected: updates

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