I am so entirely uninspired, so I’ve picked up the meme that has been going around and have provided you with my oh-so-fascinating replies as well as those of my wife. I’m not tagging anyone, but if you need something to help you through the final days of NaBloPoMo, or if  you simply feel like answering a bunch of random questons, I tag  you!

1. What is the color of your toothbrush? T: Blue J: Orange and blue

2. Name one person who made you smile today. T: Baby Genius J: Baby Genius

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? T: Helping J bathe the baby J: Having a bath with the baby

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? T: Staring blankly at my computer J: Watching a painfully censored/edited version of Thelma and Louise

5. What is your favorite candy bar? T: Take 5 J: Take 5

6. Have you ever been to a strip club? T &J: Yes, we went with a friend in college who was applying to work there as a stripper. It was closed, and we didn’t want to go inside, but the sleezy owner (dressed in an all white suit with a partially buttoned red shirt) came out to the parking lot and insisted we come inside. Gosh, I feel like I need a shower all over again just recalling that memory.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud? T: I read the question J: You should make sure you say that the strip club was closed at the time.

8. What is your favorite ice cream? T: B&J’s Everything But The    J: Chocolate Espresso

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? T &J: Water

10. Do you like your wallet? It’s okay. T: It’s serviceable.    J: Yeah.                                                                

11. What was the last thing you ate? T: TJ’s Maple cookies J: Prunes

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? T&J: No

13. The last sporting event you watched? T: The 2008 Summer Olympics J: Part of a 49ers game

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? T: Cheese J: Butter and salt

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? T: My wife J: Kari

16. Ever go camping? T: Many, many times J: Oh yeah.

17. Do you take vitamins daily? T: Prenatals and Fish Oil  J: No.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? T: Only occasionally to UU J: No

19. Do you have a tan? T: Not really, but I still have tan lines from my bathing suit top. J: Nope.

 20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? T: No  J: No way!

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? T: I don’t really drink soda, but on the rare occasions that I do have soda, I always need a straw. J: I don’t drink soda, but if I do, I don’t use a straw                                                                                                                                       

22. What did your last text message say? T: Don’t buy coffee. I already did. J: Who knows.

23. What are you doing tomorrow? T: Maybe some photo editing, lots and lots of nursing, and playing with our boy.  J: Starting a new book and playing with my son

24. Favorite color? T: Red J: Orange

25. Look to your left; what do you see? T: A drape J: Pierre (the cat)

26. What color is your watch? T: Black J: Black

27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”? T: A Baz Luhrman film that I didn’t paricularly enjoy J: Foster’s

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? T&J: We don’t eat fast food

30. What is your favorite number? T: 13 J: 13

31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone? T: Our son’s doctor J: T’s sister

32. Any plans today? T: Going to bed ASAP  J: No way. That was the best thing about today–no plans.

33. In how many states have you lived? T: 1 J: 3

34. Biggest annoyance right now? T: Having my second postpartum period J: The crack of the couch that I keep falling into.

35. Last song listened to? T: Adele’s “Daydreamer” J: Whatever was on the cable radio “Soundscapes” station

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? T: Yes, I’ve done it many times. J: No, not without looking.

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? T: Um, no, but I happen to be the dishwasher fairy (shhhh…don’t tell) J: No, but I do employ a dishwasher fairy.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? T: Normally, a pair of Azalea clogs, but these days, it’s a black pair of Converse J: Flipflops

39. Are you jealous of anyone? T: No J: No

40. Is anyone jealous of you? T: I honestly don’t know. I suppose it’s possible. J: I don’t know.

41. Do you love anyone? T: Lots of people! J: Oh yeah! I love a lot of people!

42. Do any of your friends have children? T: Very few, but yes.  J: Yes

43. What do you usually do during the day? T: Care for my son, spend time with my wife, work from home J: I take care of the baby and my wife and the house.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? T: No. I try not to hate. J: No.

45. Do you use the word hello daily? T: Yes. J: Yes.

46. What color is your car? T: Burgundy  J: Black

47. What size wedding ring do you wear? T: 7 J: T would know better than me, but I think it’s a 5.

48. Are you thinking about someone right now? T: Not really–not enough room in my brain for that and a meme. J: Not right now, but I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend A lately.

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? T: Yes, in CA  J: Yes

50. How did you get your worst scar? T: I was bathing my cat, and he sliced my arm from my wrist halfway to my elbow.   J: A tuna can

We are home, and we survived. Baby Genius experienced more family than he knew what to do with, and we’re all suffering from over-stimulation. It all went fairly well–as well as a crazy family holiday can–but we’re so, so happy to be home. When we walked in, our boy was immediately smiley, and when we took him into his room for a change, and he finally saw his elephants again, the boy was positively elated. Despite the exhaustion we’re all feeling, I am left with a lovely image of my 88-year-old grandmother–BG’s great-grandma–holding the baby in front of her as he babbled, cooed, smiled, and eventually giggled at her. She was overcome with joy and I was very proud of my son for giving her such a gift.

***WARNING: POOP TALK AHEAD***

When we took BG to the doctor on Wednesday, they still didn’t have test results, so we’re still waiting to find out if he has any sort of infection.  He still has the occasional bit of blood in his stools, which is continuing to freak us out. Other than needing to recover from the trip, he doesn’t necessarily seem ill or in pain, so we just don’t know what to think. It’s not just the blood though. The boy’s poo is dark green and mucusy, and it’s frankly rather freaky. Again, he doesn’t seem uncomfortable, but the stuff just doesn’t look right. BG’s doctor is in tomorrow, so we’re hoping to hear some results then. He did assure us Wednesday that BG is otherwise doing very well, and  while he wants to determine the origins of this, he is also fairly reassuring thus far. I will certainly update here on the matter when we know anything.

/POOP TALK

This week has marked some great advancements for our Baby Genius. He has started to grab things. He has this great firefly by Lamaze, and it has crinkly wings. Today he was hitting the wings for awhile, and then he grabbed the whole thing and held it against his face. It has all kinds of textures, so he kept rubbing his face and hands over the different textures. It was such a remarkable sight to see! This is such a simple thing, but our son is becoming so much more present in the world. He interacts more with objects and with us. Also today, he noticed for the first time one of our cats. He followed her with his eyes as she walked the length of the back of the sofa and sat down again. I have a feeling we’re heading into some fun times.

I’ll write something more coherent tomorrow, but with just three days left in NaBloPoMo, I simply couldn’t not post, even if I can write little more than gibberish.

Amidst all of the family hell and the trouble it has caused us, we had been dreading the holidays. But then one day, we both finally realized that this is our baby’s first holiday season, and we need to honor that and focus on that rather than allowing ourselves to be mired in the crap. Sometimes that’s easy, and sometimes it isn’t.

So today marks our son’s first Thanksgiving, his first day of gluttony. We’re certain he’ll spend much of the day feasting, for rarely is there a day that he doesn’t. When he’s old enough to understand, we’ll teach him about what screwed up origins this holiday has, and we’ll try to create new meaning by sharing what we’re thankful for, and we’ll feed him the best free range turkey we can find.

This year, we’ll remind him over and over and over again that we’re thankful, ever-so-thankful, that’s he’s finally here.

We bought this robe when we first started TTC. In fact, we had a whole box of things that we purchased on a monthly basis hoping that it wouldn’t be long before we got to see the items on a real baby. Over the year and a half we tried for our Baby Genius, we added to the box on a regular basis. We would pull the items out of the box when we were needing to feel some hope, and we would imagine holding a baby in the items. This robe was always one of our favorites for some reason.

There came times, too, when the box had to be put away, hidden high up in the closet out of sight. Those were times when we didn’t add a thing to the box, when we would make our ways through department stores doing everything we could to avoid the baby department. During the long breaks or the strings of failed cycles, neither of us wanted to be reminded. During those times, we wouldn’t pull the clothes out because it was too painful.

But then I remember once we found out we were pregnant pulling that box down from the closet and crying as we looked at each item. And as the box became two boxes, and we learned we were having a boy, we looked through them one by one again, imagining a son in them.

It’s surreal to see our real baby boy wearing these clothes now. Each week that passes, he either outgrows or fits into a new item from the original box. It saddens us when favorites from the box are retired. And days like today, we are delighted when we find that one of the beloved items can now fulfill its destiny on our child’s very real little body.

He is the boy of our dreams.

Our appointment with the pediatrician yesterday was inconclusive. We’ve got stool samples at the lab, and we’re going to have a follow-up appointment tomorrow to find out the results. The doctor thinks it’s likely an infection of some kind, not an allergy, but he wasn’t overly alarmed. So on our way out of town tomorrow, we will go to the doctor and hope like hell that it’s just a ride-out-the-infection sort of situation. I won’t likely update about it until Friday because I’ll be banking some posts for NaBloPoMo tomorrow morning.

I’m so exhausted. Getting ready for this trip has been hard. J is stressed beyond her limits to have to see my family again, and I am trying to fight off some sort of cold–that or I’m just so exhausted and run down that I feel that way. But there are some things to look forward to: time with my brother and his wife, time with my sister and my niece, seeing extended family we rarely get to see. With any luck, we’ll survive it all unscathed, and we’ll come home Friday to collapse and enjoy our little family. I’m hoping like hell that it’s all so boring its unbloggable.

Never in my life did I think I would find myself googling the color and consistency of bowel movements, but that is precisely what I have been doing today. I don’t plan to share the gory details here for fear of driving you all away (let’s just say that “blood” was one of my search terms), but our son’s diapers–and one in particular– have given us cause for alarm, and now we’ve got to go see his pediatrician today.

My preliminary research tells me I may have to give up dairy soon–my beloved morning yogurt, the cream in my decaf, and even cheese. I was a vegetarian for years, but never vegan because I am a dairy fiend, and the thought of giving it up frightens me a little. Don’t get me wrong; I’m intimately familiar with all kinds of alternatives. Soy and rice milk have long been parts of my diet–but voluntarily. There was always the option of having cream or milk of the bovine persuasion.

Honestly, though, I’m hoping that a mere sensitivity to something in my breastmilk is all we’re dealing with here. I would far rather endure the challenge of giving up dairy than to have something horribly wrong with our baby’s GI tract. I’ll subsist on oats and sprouts alone if I have to. It doesn’t mean I’ll be happy about it, but I will if it means our baby will be okay.

Our little boy seems to be feeling poorly. He has been running a low-grade fever (nipped by some Ty.lenol), his voice is scratchy, and he’s whiny. We have spent the day letting him sleep on us, and he has been nursing a lot. Poor boy. It makes me so sad to see him like this.

I’m on to another question:

Olive wrote,

My question: what is the most beautiful place in the world (to you)?

I honestly don’t need many words for this place because I have written so much about it here and here, but in my opinion, the most beautiful place in the world is the redwood forest in Humboldt County, California. I have never known a place more magical and ancient and awe-inspiring as this. I miss these trees so, and I can’t wait to introduce my son to their majesty.

We don’t know what it is about the sun going down, but you seem to turn into a whole new baby–a really cranky baby–when that happens. So could you let us know what it is that is bothering you so much? We have a feeling we know what it is (you’re tired), but maybe you have other ideas about this. Whatever it is, we would be happy to help you get through it without all the crying.

Many thanks,

Your Moms

Today I had my first big outing without my family. I drove to a neighboring town to do a little shopping (a big, exciting trip to Trad.erJoe’s), and I was gone for over two hours, all by myself. I have made little trips out to the market since the baby was born, but I haven’t done anything like this since early  in my pregnancy.

It was nice to be out and about knowing my son was safe and sound with his mama, and it was lovely to see that I can still be a little autonomous from time to time.

But I did miss my little family.

When I came home and walked in with my bags, I was going to run back down to the car for the rest; however, I had to peek into our room where J was in the midst of telling Baby Genius that I was home. I told her I would be right back, that I needed to run to the car again. “No,” she said. “You’re going to come in here, and I’m going to the car.”

So I walked into our bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed, and leaned over my son, who was propped up on his B.oppy. He saw me and began to smile. I then kicked off my shoes, crawled up onto the bed, picked him up and cradled him in my arms. He began cooing nd babbling and smiling and just staring into my eyes. He did this for so long, as if to tell me he had missed me, that he had had a good time, that he was glad I was home.

I sat there, holding my son, listening to him babble, and I smiled, tears streaming down my face, and told him how much I love him.

For so long, I imagined what it would be like to have a child who would light up when I came home. I would imagine what this might feel like, and today, I got to feel it.  I can’t believe I get to live that fantasy now. I can’t believe I get to be this beautiful boy’s mom.

I want this joy for every last one of you out there.