opening up

Hi everyone. Long ago I promised some password-free posts, and because events had turned a certain way, I kept things private for awhile. You see, back in February, right around BG’s one-year anniversary (actually, probably the day of), I got pregnant. And I was pregnant for two whole months after with varying degrees of anxiety until last week at an ultrasound at ten weeks gestation, I learned that what we thought would be our baby, an embryo we had named Goblin for its Halloween due date, had stopped growing and had no heartbeat. Over the past week, I have miscarried the pregnancy. It has been just as awful as one might expect.

I’m sharing this because already I have found that writing about it is therapeutic, just as writing about BG’s loss has been helpful, and if it can be helpful to anyone else out there who has lost a pregnancy, well, I don’t want to hide it. I’m opening up one (maybe more) of the posts from the past few days. There will undoubtedly be more.

Anyway, that’s where we are. We’ll try again. We won’t stop until we’ve got a baby, but J and I are positively gutted.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “opening up

  1. My heart breaks anew for you ladies…..

  2. Sending love and healing to you.

  3. E

    I am so sorry to hear this news, especially given the auspicious ‘start date’. It took us a long time to get over Ws miscarriage and even now with the six week old I am holding, I sometimes still think ‘what if I was sitting here with a 1 year old’. Be gentle with yourselves as you face this new loss.

  4. i’ve been following you for a while but didn’t feel that i knew you well enough to ask for you password when you started protecting your posts. i was hoping that there was nothing but good news hidden behind those empty rectangles with submit buttons next to them. alas…

    i, too, had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, and while it didn’t even come close to the pain and devastation my wife and i felt when we lost our son, it felt like an extra (and literal) kick in the gut. i wish i had some other words beyond the terribly trite sounding (yet very sincere) i’m so sorry. thank you for your openness, and please keep fighting to give your beautiful, brilliant BG a little sibling. you deserve to have that joy again.

  5. Louise

    Another quiet follower from quite a while back who has lurked and hoped for you. Thinking of you from afar and hoping for a future where you get to be the brilliant parents you are to BG’s little brother or sister.

  6. I’m so sorry – from another miscarriage mama. There’s nothing to say that can make it better – I know. Just hold each other and keep going.

  7. Dee_bow

    I’m so sorry. Also a quiet follower from afar but thinking of you and hoping that you get to parent another small person soon.

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