fabulousness

Last week, J and I came home to find a package at our door, and inside was this amazing gift from the girls at Chronicles of Conception:

I had wondered what we would call Egghead once he made his grand entrance into the world, but Tiff has solved that for me. Yes, after he’s born, Egghead will be referred to as Baby Genius (or BG)–in blogland that is. What an amazing gift. Thank you, girls! By the way, if you haven’t checked out their wonderful organic onesies, do so. They’re making a new one each month, and I can attest to the quality of these things. They’re beautiful and ever so soft.

In other news, we have our first birth class, and we’re incredibly excited. The instructor comes highly recommended by our midwife, so we hope it’s as good as we think it will be. Full report to come tomorrow.

ETA: No birth class for us tonight. On our way to the class, which is in a nearby town, about 18 miles away, we came to a police roadblock. It seems someone robbed a bank at gunpoint and was still at large. They were thus blocking the only highway taking us to our class. We are sorely disappointed.

lost in transition

Now that we’re just over two months away from our due date, some panic is setting in. It’s not so much panic that we don’t have everything ready. I know that will happen in its time. In fact, we have just about everything we need for Egghead with the exception of diapers. No, this panic is a bigger one–an overwhelming anxiety about the fact that our lives are suddenly going to change quite dramatically; things for the two of us are never going to be the same again.

I’m not sure why this is coming up so suddenly. It isn’t as though I haven’t thought about this before. Perhaps it’s this refrain we are hearing from new and experienced moms–the “Oh, just wait! It only gets worse!” or “Oh you silly, naive pregnant girl. Enjoy life now because everything you enjoy about it now will soon be gone,” or my new favorite from my sister, “Are you sure you still want to have kids?” Hearing this constant barrage of negativity does tend to focus a person on what one is not going to like about parenting. Whether or not this is actually the source of my anxiety, it certainly doesn’t help.

But I can’t blame the negative nellies entirely. No, there is a fairly real fear that has surfaced that maybe I won’t like that my life has been taken over by a child, that perhaps my transition to motherhood won’t be as natural–or joyful–as I once thought. The thing is, my life isn’t that interesting. I’m not a party girl. I don’t go out much. Mostly J and I enjoy a quiet existence, but I know that too is going to be gone soon. And for so long, the idea that this quiet, simple existence was going to change completely once our child was born has been a welcome thought. It is what we clung to through a year and a half of trying to get pregnant. It’s not that I don’t welcome that change now, but I’m a little petrified of what it might do to my relationship with J or to my own sense of self.

Perhaps this is one of the hazards of having children in one’s mid-thirties or after having been with one’s partner for over a decade. We have had so much time to establish our lives together, and I have had a great deal of time to discern what sort of person I want to be in the world. J and I are closer than ever, but this closeness hasn’t always come easy, and at times, the work to maintain our relationship is downright hard. What is going to happen once Egghead is thrown into the mix? And what of all the work I have done to be a stronger, more successful woman? Will I lose my own aspirations because I’m caring for an infant who doesn’t care what his mothers do for a living so long as he’s loved and fed and has a clean diaper? Will I resent this?

Honestly, I know that J and I will continue to do the necessary work on our relationship, but I know it’s going to take greater efforts too. I know that I’ll want to be a great role model for my son, so in a way, I suppose I’m aware that I’ll continue working toward my personal and professional goals as well–but, again, with greater effort required. So why am I so afraid? Where is this anxiety coming from?

I have to assume that some of this anxiety is normal. If I weren’t thinking about the changes we’re were about to undergo, I would be setting myself up for certain shock. If I didn’t anticipate that the changes might be hard, I could be looking at some serious PPD. I think I’m just longing for that happy state of anticipatory glee–wanting to be the naive pregnant girl for even a few hours a day. But that’s not realistic.

Ultimately, change is coming–big, big change. It will most certainly be hard at times. It will most likely make me cry at times and long for my quieter, easier life. But then I also know that this change is going to bring us the greatest joy we’ve ever known. And all of that is what we are in this for–the challenge and thrill of parenting. After all, for J and I, change is not the worst-case scenario; stagnation is–and we all know that stagnation is incompatible with parenthood.

I’ve been tagged…

I have been tagged by A. at Adding Baby, and it’s been oh so long since I’ve done a meme. What could be better way to kick off a holiday weekend?

For the Kreativ Blogger award the rules of acceptance are simple: list seven things you love and then pass the award to seven blogs you love.

Things I Love:

1. Swimming and that wonderful feeling of weightlessness that comes with it
2. The heirloom tomatoes that are finally showing up at farmer’s market
3. The way my wife spoils me
4. The yellow and red gerber daisies sitting in a vase on our table
5. This little guy who is constantly morphing my belly
6. My wife
7. Che.rry Gar.cia Ice Cream Bars

The blogs I love:

See my blogroll to the right. I can’t tag anyone because that would involve choosing just seven blogs, and if you don’t already know this about me, I’m indecisive. So, if you haven’t gotten to do this meme yet, and you are really loving seven things, consider yourself tagged!

of appointments and showers and joy

I suppose I have let you all enjoy the peak into our bedroom long enough. It’s time I’m a responsible blogger again and start updating on what has happened in the past week–because it’s quite a lot!

Today we had a midwife appointment. It was the first of our every-two-week appointments (although this one was after three weeks in order to get us on even numbers). This week marks thirty weeks for us. Thirty. 30. Holy shit.

The appointment went pretty well. My weight once again was the same as it was when I got pregnant, and my blood pressure was 120/80 where it has been since appointment 2. I’m consistent if nothing else! Egghead is still measuring two weeks ahead at 32 weeks, and his heartbeat was around 140. He’s growing and healthy and everyone was pleased. We did have to discuss the fibroid issue with the midwife. She had spoken with our OB about it, and it seems that they are indeed located at the bottom of my uterus where they could cause problems during birth. That said, they are located toward the back of my uterus, so she and the doctor aren’t overly concerned and they both think it’s a matter of waiting until I’m in labor to see what happens. She doesn’t see a need to worry, so I’m working to tell myself the same. That’s a little easier said than done, but now I’m just trying to prepare myself for whatever sort of birth comes our way. Reading Birthing From Within is making that a little easier.

The bigger excitement happened last weekend, when J and I took a five-hour road trip up the coast to Humboldt where some friends of us threw us our first shower. What a fantastic weekend it was. We stayed with two of our very dearest friends, and we spent the whole first evening sitting around chatting, eating great food, and simply relaxing outside.

The next day was the shower. Since  it was being held at the home where we were staying, we left for a few hours to attend the local farmer’s market that we used to love so much, and we met up with a friend, his eight-month pregnant wife, and their two-year-old son. It was great to see them and especially good to talk with the friend’s wife who had had complications with fibroids during her first pregnancy (but also ended up having a natural birth). It was so nice to discuss this with someone who had been there, but it was especially good to see old friends in this environment.

When we left the market, we returned to our friends’ place where the shower was about to begin. While we were gone, our two hostess friends had prepared a huge brunch and had decorated with tons of flowers and candles.

In just moments, people started to arrive. We haven’t returned to Humboldt since we left in February of 2008, and while a few of these women have come to visit us, most of them we haven’t seen since before we left. What a joy it was to see each one of them as they walked in. They positively doted on us, and my heart was so full, I thought it would surely burst. I have been very happy since I’ve been pregnant, but this made me positively buoyant.

Brunch was had, and one of the co-hostesses, our friend A, gathered the beads she had asked everyone to bring and announced that I was to make a necklace of sorts to focus on for labor. I admittedly have not yet made it, but it’s going to be this wonderfully eclectic string of beads that should help keep these lovely women with me. She also announced a writing assignment (since 99% of us are writing teachers), asking everyone to write us advice or great things they remember about their own moms. Reading through this box of missives later made me burst into frequent bouts of tears.

Later I was surprised with belly henna. All of the women there took turns painting a design or embellishment on my belly. This was my favorite part of the day, for I got one-on-one time with each of my friends.

By the time the belly was complete, it was quite a masterpiece!

My wife added the final touch–the only text way at the bottom:

Sadly, the henna didn’t take well because of a mix-up in directions, but it was lovely to have this done and to spend this time with so many lovely people.

The gift-opening time was great as well. People were so very generous, but they also followed our requests to rely a little more on gently used items. This was fabulous because so many of them are moms and were able to pass on things from their kids (one woman gave us some baby clothes from her 20-year-old son!) as well as from their own supplies. One friend who had been gifted a Kate Spade bag when she was pregnant passed it along to us. Honestly, we could care less about labels (and nor could she), so we’re finding it hilarious to have this over-priced simple black diaper bag. We’ll certainly fit in amongst the label-conscious tourists in our current town.

In all, this was the best of days and the best of getaways. Our friends all seem so genuinely happy for us, and we were so excited to have them there to celebrate the coming of Egghead. There is nothing quite like being filled with the love and generosity of friends.

Protected: hers & hers pregnant lesbian s-e-x tell-all!

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

impending password post

We’ve got a fun password protected post on its way, so let us know if you would like the password (or if you lost it). We’re happy to share with those in our community, so don’t be shy (even if you’re a lurker). Once you see the title of the post, you won’t be able to resist.

baby gear galore

We’re still here. It’s a bit of a crazy week. We decided to take a whirlwind trip to my mom’s house to celebrate our niece turning one. It’s so hard to believe that she’s already a year old, and it’s making us realize just how quickly Egghead’s first year will likely go.

Part of the trip involved meeting up with my mom at I.kea. We needed to pick up a crib mattress because we just learned that two of our dear friends went in on a crib for us! Wow. During the shopping trip, my mom insisted on purchasing the mattress, and not just the cheap, this-will-be-fine mattress we  had planned to purchase. No, she wanted to get the best they had to offer. My mom, in fact, has been extraordinarily generous. Today, she ordered the stroller we wanted, pictured here. It’s the City Mini (by Baby Jogger):

 

Honestly, we’re overwhelmed with the outpouring of generosity we’re experiencing. J and I work pretty hard to acquire our basic needs, and we have been working extra hard to acquire the basic needs to care for our son. Now, with all of the generous gifts we’re receiving, we’re almost completely ready for him. In fact, his room is starting to look more nursery and less office each day. Below are a few of the delightful items we have thus far:

This pile of items includes our first two major purchases: carseat and moses basket, and then in the box is a swing/infant seat which my brother and sister-in-law gifted us (yet to be assembled).

 

Here we have a changing pad, animals, and comfort items, many of which have been gifts. The white bear was given to us by a friend in our first year of TTC. The giant crocodile is something J and I simply couldn’t resist. The blue giraffe is something my mom couldn’t resist. We all had a hell of a time using our will power in I.kea.

And then there are some other special items. I started crocheting this blanket during my first trimester on J’s insistance. I was so worried that by doing so I would somehow jinx my pregnancy, but I just kept working on it, and last week, it was complete. On the right is a hat, which is the first of many I’m sure to make for this boy.

We also have managed to acquire a ton of used baby boy clothes. People who don’t even have kids–and some who are still trying–have been bringing us the used clothes of people they know. People we don’t know have been sending us clothes through mutual friends. It’s really remarkable, and there are so many cute items. We have literally opened our front door to find bags of clothes hanging on the doorknob from neighbors.

Honestly, sometimes I don’t know what we did to deserve such generosity, but we feel positively blessed that so many want to help us welcome our son into the world. This weekend we’re visiting our old hometown where the crib-buying friends are throwing us a shower. We have so many old friends attending, some of our mentors, former colleagues, people who were family to us for the years we lived in Humboldt. We’re both overwhelmed with excitement to see them and to be able to share this new chapter of our lives with them.

And so it seems, with just eleven weeks to go until our due date that somehow we’re going to have everything ready for this baby boy. Whether we will actually be ready is another question entirely, but baby gear he will have.

I just can’t wait to meet him.

the perils of pregnant lesbian s-e-x

During a lovely wake-up romp this morning, my wife laid on the pillow next to me with a funny look on her face. I was enjoying a bit of afterglow, but was eager to attend to her as well. Suddenly, she no longer seemed interested in her turn. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing. Really. It’s nothing.” She replied.

I knew something was wrong, and I wasn’t letting this go. “Something just happened. Tell me what’s wrong,” I pleaded. I was getting worried.

With a funny frown on her face  and a furrowed brow, she finally gave in. “The baby was kicking me in the forehead.”

one year ago today

 

Last year at this time, my wife and I were planning for our wedding at the county clerk’s office. We went to the market and had bouquets of miniature red roses made, and we pressed our clothes, preparing to be one of the first same-sex couples legally married in the state of California.

It was a glorious day, full of hope and inspiration. Our UU church was there handing out flowers and wedding favors, cheering us on as each newly married couple emerged. We were even featured on the front page of newspaper kissing following our exchange of vows (see above).

I will never forget that day–how it felt to be in that office with the press and all of the happy couples waiting to get their turn, how excited everyone around us was, how good it felt to be part of history and to be securing our commitment legally. We didn’t know what would happen down the road, but we knew that we were married, and we couldn’t imagine anyone taking that away from us.

Well, a year later, we’re still married. J and I are one couple of 18,000 who were married during the short time that California practiced marriage equality. Honestly though, I think both of us feel sad today more than celebratory. I know I feel a fair amount of guilt that we somehow got to keep our marriage just because we did it before November, guilt that so many now cannot take advantage of this privilege. It’s a bittersweet sort of day for us.

Still, I mustn’t overlook the fact that my wife–my love of over eleven years–is my legal spouse in California. Our son will have both of our names on his birth certificate from the very beginning, and for these things, we really are grateful.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

holy third trimester!

How did this happen? All of my little email updates are placing me in the third trimester now. The third trimester. As in the last trimester before the baby comes.

Throughout this pregnancy, I have been a mix of emotions. When I think about the fact that we are this far in, I sometimes get really excited. J and I muse about how eager we are to meet Egghead, how sometimes it feels like we just can’t wait any longer.

And then I see “third trimester” or “seven months” and this overwhelming panic sets in. September is just around the corner, and then we’re going to have this baby who is going to change our lives forever in more ways than we can imagine. Those moments of reality settling in are important. I don’t want to arrive at the hospital still in denial that this (a baby) could possibly happen to us, but I have a funny feeling that I’m going to be feeling this way for awhile yet.

Of course I’m not freaked like this all the time. These are just the moments of stark terror that seem to be normal amongst parents-to-be. They make me feel alive in a funny sort of way.

Since we’re now in the third trimester, we have all kinds of third trimester things going on.

• Our first baby shower is next week(!), and it turns out there will actually be real, live people in attendance (other than me, J, and the hosts).
• We have officially enrolled in a birth class that begins July 7 and continues through the end of August.
• We have scheduled a tour of the hospital.
• We will be tackling the nursery again soon, meaning we’ll sell our futon, move our desk (so that there’s an office area and a baby area), and generally prepare a space that our son–and all of the things that accompany him–can occupy when he arrives.
• We both feel (and see) Egghead move more than ever. J says that while she once found it soothing to have my belly pressed against her back with the baby kicking gently, she now finds that it keeps her from sleeping. His cute little kicks have morphed into these movements that are quite big and earnest these days, and I often sit and watch my belly take on whole new shapes as he does his crazy little workouts.
• I am getting huger (see evidence below).